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What's Gone On This Week: Adults Drag a Teenager Online While the Government Continues to Fail Enormously

See you all in hell.

by NEO
25 January 2019, 3:48pm

Hasan Patel's reaction to criticism about his Eton scholarship.

Welcome to "Pub Notes", a column where NEO – AKA @WELCOME_ZIDANE – spoon-feeds you opinions about the three biggest UK stories of the week, so you don't miss any heated debates down the pub or around the coffee table at 4AM tomorrow.

WORKING CLASS PEOPLE SHOULD BREAK THE GLASS CEILING BY NOT ACCEPTING THEIR SCHOLARSHIPS TO PUBLIC SCHOOLS, ACCORDING TO PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GET OFF TWITTER

EXTREMELY WEIRD FULLY GROWN ADULTS HAVE SPENT THE WEEK REPRIMANDING A 16-YEAR-OLD FROM AN EAST LONDON COUNCIL ESTATE FOR ACCEPTING A PLACE AT ETON COLLEGE. HASAN PATEL – A LABOUR PARTY ACTIVIST AND THE YOUNGEST EVER SPEAKER AT A POLITICAL PARTY CONFERENCE – WON A £76,000 SCHOLARSHIP TO THE SCHOOL, ACCEPTANCE OF WHICH MAKES HIM A "TRAITOR" AND A “HYPOCRITE” IN THE EYES OF CRITICS.

ETON COLLEGE INSISTS THAT PLACES “ARE SOLELY AWARDED ON MERIT” AND THE RIGOROUS APPLICATION PROCESS PATEL WAS PUT THROUGH INVOLVED A THREE-DAY ASSESSMENT, INCLUDING THREE EXAMS AND SEVEN INTERVIEWS – OR, IF YOU’RE A RICH CUNT, JUST THE CHRISTMAS BONUS YOUR DAD PROMISED TO HIS WORKFORCE BUT WOULDN’T DELIVER DUE TO “IT BEING A BIT TIGHT THIS YEAR”. SOME PEOPLE EVEN BROUGHT UP PATEL’S PREVIOUS CRITICISM OF ETON’S “ABSURD AND CORRUPT” CHARITABLE STATUS THAT SAVES THE SCHOOL MILLIONS OF POUNDS IN TAX A YEAR AS CONFIRMATION OF HIS DUPLICITY, RATHER THAN AN INCREDIBLY RARE CASE OF OPPORTUNITY BEING OFFERED TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY DESERVES IT.

THE TEENAGER RESPONDED TO HIS ONLINE CRITICS SAYING, “I’VE WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO PUT ME DOWN. INSTEAD OF ATTACKING ME, WHY AREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT THE INEQUALITIES IN THE EDUCATION SYSTEM?” WHICH IS A VERY GOOD POINT THAT ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WILL BE INTERESTED IN TACKLING.

WE MUST REMEMBER THAT ETON IS FAMOUS FOR ITS WORLD-CLASS ALUMNI OF 19 FORMER UK PRIME MINISTERS, MURDEROUS WAR-RAGING COLONISERS, SLAVERS AND ROYALS. ALMOST EVERY CUNT WHO GOES TO A SCHOOL LIKE THIS IS EITHER ROTHSCHILD SPAWN OR DUE TO INHERIT A TITLE ONE DAY – OR AT LEAST BE GIVEN ONE IN THE NEW YEAR’S HONOURS LIST FOR “SERVICES TO FRACKING”. BEING AN ETONIAN IN DEEPLY CLASSIST BRITAIN PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEES YOU A LEVEL OF PRIVILEGE AND SUCCESS UNATTAINABLE FOR THE MAJORITY OF US, AND THE TEENAGER ENVISIONS HE’LL “STILL BE THE SAME BOY FROM EAST LONDON WHEN I ARRIVE AND WHEN I LEAVE”.

WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT PHOTO OF OLD ETONIANS BORIS JOHNSON AND DAVID CAMERON POSING TOGETHER ON SOME STEPS IN THEIR BULLINGDON CLUB ATTIRE IT ALWAYS MAKES ME IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THE BIGGEST CUNTS IN YOUR FORM CLASS IN SCHOOL RAN THE FUCKING COUNTRY, AND THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY BREXIT. UNTIL PRIVATE AND PUBLIC REACH A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD, ANYONE TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN BRITAIN WILL HAVE TO CONFORM TO THE RULES OF THE ELITE. HASAN PATEL OR ANY “COMMONER” MOVING IN THESE CIRCLES CAN TAKE COMFORT IN THE FACT THAT WHEN SOMEONE LEVELS THE TERM “CHAMPAGNE SOCIALIST” AT THEM IT SAYS MORE ABOUT THE ACCUSER THAN ANYTHING. IT SHOWS THEY THINK YOU ARE BELOW SOMETHING, BUT I CAN PROMISE YOU NOTHING IS “TOO GOOD” FOR THE WORKING CLASSES.

THE UK HAS THE BIGGEST FOSSIL FUEL SUBSIDIES IN THE EU

SOMETIMES IT FEELS WE ARE ALL LIVING IN A SHIT PC GAME CALLED 'EARTH HEALTH SIMULATOR' OR SOMETHING AND SOME CUNT LIKE ME IS PURPOSELY SABOTAGING BRITAIN ON THEIR SAVE, BUT NO. THIS IS THE VERY REAL, VERY STUPID BRITAIN. A EUROPEAN COMMISSION HAS FOUND THE UK HAS THE BIGGEST FOSSIL FUEL SUBSIDIES IN THE EU BUT MINISTERS WILL BE PLEASED TO KNOW WE CAN FORTUNATELY SIDE-STEP THIS DAMNING INDICTMENT WHEN WE LEAVE THE EU IN TWO MONTHS.

THE REPORT SHOWS WE SPENT €12BN A YEAR SUPPORTING FOSSIL FUELS COMPARED TO JUST €8.3BN ON RENEWABLE ENERGY, DESPITE PLEDGING TO PHASE OUT THE SUBSIDIES HAMPERING THE RAPID TRANSITION TO CLEAN ENERGY. JUST TO QUICKLY MENTION AT THIS POINT: THE MOVE TO CLEAN ENERGY IS NEEDED URGENTLY IN ORDER TO AVOID OR AT LEAST STAVE OFF THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH.

A SIGNIFICANT PART OF THE UK FOSSIL FUEL SUBSIDIES IDENTIFIED BY THE COMMISSION IS THE 5 PERCENT RATE OF VAT ON DOMESTIC GAS AND ELECTRICITY, CUT FROM THE STANDARD 20 PERCENT. A GOVERNMENT SPOKESPERSON INSISTED “WE DO NOT SUBSIDISE FOSSIL FUELS, WE’RE FIRMLY COMMITTED TO TACKLING CLIMATE CHANGE BY USING RENEWABLES”. HOWEVER, SHELAGH WHITLEY OF THE OVERSEAS DEVELOPMENT INSTITUTE DISMISSED THIS, SAYING, QUITE SIMPLY: “THEY ARE LYING. THEY ARE PLAYING GAMES AND CONTINUING TO PROP UP A CENTURIES-OLD ENERGY SYSTEM”.

OUR CONTINUED RELIANCE ON FOSSIL FUELS JUST REITERATES HOW BRITAIN’S ATTACK ON THESE INDUSTRIES UNDER THE THATCHER YEARS AND BEYOND WAS MORE ABOUT BREAKING THE BACK OF THE UNIONS AND DECIMATING THE POWER OF THE WORKING CLASSES THAN THE MODERNISATION OF BRITAIN AND OUR ENERGY SOURCES. FRIENDS OF THE EARTH CEO, CRAIG BENNETT, SAID “SPIRALLING CLIMATE CHANGE IS GOING TO COST PEOPLE AND OUR ECONOMY HUGE SUMS OF MONEY, THROUGH THE DAMAGE, DISRUPTION AND INSTABILITY IT CAUSES. SO IT’S ASTONISHING THAT THE UK GOVERNMENT IS STILL THROWING TAXPAYERS’ MONEY AT SOME OF THE WORLD’S LARGEST OIL AND GAS COMPANIES."

WITH BRITAIN BEING A GUSTY ISLAND SURROUNDED BY COASTLINE IT WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE FOR OUR GOVERNMENT TO BACK WORLD-LEADING PROJECTS SUCH AS THE SWANSEA TIDAL LAGOON OR HAVE ALL OUR POWER NEEDS MET WITH WIND-FARMS WHEN WE CAN CONTINUE TO PAY VAST FORTUNES TO ROCKEFELLER-TYPE CUNTS SO WE CAN BURN LIQUID DINOSAUR SHIT THAT’S BEEN DREDGED FROM THE EARTH’S CRUST IN ORDER TO COOK PASTA.

BUSINESSES ARE FUCKING OFF OVER BREXIT

AIRBUS HAS BECOME THE LATEST IN A LONG LINE OF BUSINESSES THREATENING TO MOVE FROM BRITAIN IF THE COUNTRY CRASHES OUT OF THE EU WITHOUT A DEAL.

TOM ENDERS, THE COMPANY'S CHIEF EXECUTIVE, BRANDED THE GOVERNMENT’S HANDLING OF BREXIT A “DISGRACE” AND IMPLORED PEOPLE NOT TO “LISTEN TO BREXITEERS MADNESS, WHICH ASSERTS THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE HUGE PLANTS HERE, WE WILL NOT MOVE AND WE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE. THEY ARE WRONG."

AIRBUS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MANUFACTURERS IN THE UK. THE WINGS FOR ITS RANGE OF COMMERCIAL AIRCRAFTS ARE MANUFACTURED IN ITS NORTH WALES BASE, WHICH ALONE EMPLOYS 6,000 PEOPLE. COUPLED WITH LAST WEEK’S NEWS OF HITACHI ANNOUNCING THEY WERE SCRAPPING PLANS TO BUILD A £16BN NUCLEAR POWER STATION IN ANGLESEY, THERE SEEMS AN OMINOUS PATTERN FORMING AROUND MANY OF THE POOREST AREAS OF THE UK.

STEPHEN BARCLAY, THE BREXIT SECRETARY, SAID HE TOOK THE WARNING “VERY SERIOUSLY”, BUT THESE SERIES OF DAMAGE-LIMITATION ANNOUNCEMENTS BY COMPANIES ARE THE RESULT OF CORPORATE BRITAIN GROWING IMPATIENT WITH THE UK’S DISORDERLY DEPARTURE FROM THE EU.

SONY ALSO REVEALED IT’S MOVING ITS EUROPEAN HQ FROM LONDON TO AMSTERDAM, AND BILLIONAIRE BREXITEER SIR JAMES DYSON – WHO CALLED ON THE GOVERNMENT TO WALK AWAY WITH A NO-DEAL, PROCLAIMING “THEY’LL COME TO US” – HAS JUST ANNOUNCED HE’S MOVING DYSON HQ FROM THE UK TO SINGAPORE. DYSON DUBIOUSLY LABELED THE MOVE AS “FUTURE-PROOFING” THE BUSINESS, ASSURING US IT “HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BREXIT”.

WE’RE TOLD BY MANY “FISCALLY MINDED” BREXITEERS THAT THESE MAJOR CORPORATIONS ARE “BLUFFING” AND THEY WOULDN’T LEAVE THE UK IF WE LEFT THE EU WITHOUT A TRADE DEAL, DESPITE THE FACT THEY LITERALLY ARE RIGHT NOW AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO. I KNOW WE ARE AN EXCEPTIONALLY DELUDED COUNTRY THAT GOD-WORSHIPS A QUEEN BUT IF YOU THINK A FTSE 100 COMPANY WILL THELMA & LOUISE ITS SHARE PRICE OFF A CLIFF IN THE NAME OF BRITISH POSTERITY I HAVE SOME ELIXIRS TO SELL YOU.

@WELCOME_ZIDANE