You're not in our amazing cartoon, but some other cooler people are.
Roll over the image to find out who is who.
1. ANJEM CHOUDARY
Our buddy Anjem Choudary was the head of the defunct Islam4UK group. He reckons the Queen should be executed and Buckingham Palace turned into a mosque – two of his plans yet to bear fruit.
See him in JIHAD MILKSHAKES
2. A MASKED PAKISTANI ASSASSIN
In Pakistan we met a target killer in the back of a taxi. His gun sat between his feet as he talked about killing people for cash. It was horrifying.
See him in THE VICE GUIDE TO KARACHI
3. ART HAMMER
Art is the leader of the Florida Mandingos sexgang. Mandingo is the charming old term for the strongest slave on the plantation. These days it’s only really used by white people who get off on watching strong black guys screw their wives. We hung out with them in Miami.
See him in MANDINGO!
4. A SCOUSE BODYBUILDER
Ah Liverpool, the jewel in Britain’s tanning and steroid abuse crown. VICE spent some time with the figures involved in the city’s unique beauty culture.
See them in RULE BRITANNIA:BEAUTIFUL LIVERPOOL
5. FASHIONABLE MEXICAN MEN
Ever wondered what dapper Mexican cowboys wear to the disco to impress the ladies? We did, and it turns out they put on insanely pointy boots with ten-inch curly toes.
See them in BEHIND THE SEAMS: MEXICAN POINTY BOOTS
6. BILLIE JD PORTER
Billie has worked with us since she was about 15, which is scary. She presents shows for our comedy series Shorties on VICE.com, such as This Week’s Hottest Party and the edifying Celebrity Discharge.
See her in SHORTIES
7. GENERAL BUTT NAKED
Joshua Milton Blahyi was a feared warlord and a proud cannibal during the Liberian Civil War. He fought naked – to keep bullets away, obviously. He’s reformed now and we’re good friends.
See him in THE VICE GUIDE TO LIBERIA
8. ANDRESSA SOARES
This is the Watermelon Lady. She has the most famous ass in Brazil, which is really quite an achievement.
See her in THE BIGGEST ASS IN BRAZIL
For a year we made it our mission to be inside every youth-led riot or protest that kicked off in the world.
See them in TEENAGE RIOT
10. CUTE ANIMALS
There’s only so much brutally depressing footage one can film before you start yearning for something soft and cuddly, like sausage dogs racing in fancy dress or baby sloths hugging. So we make a Cute Show once a month to keep us all happy.
See them in THE CUTE SHOW
11. A RAVING DONK FAN WHOSE HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE
Years ago, we spent a few months trailing the Blackout Crew as they introduced us to Britain’s lively Donk scene – basically the fastest, silliest full-on techno rave packed with pilled-up kids fucking and fighting each other on the dancefloors.
See them in MUSIC WORLD: DONK
12. CHRIS NIERATKO
VICE’s long-time porno reviewer and co-owner of the New Jersey Skate Shop. His popular Skinema column now has its own TV show (where Chris hangs out with porn stars, duh).
See him in SKINEMA
13. A TERRIFYING CANNIBAL
This guy we met in Japan once ate his classmate. And he swears he’ll eat human flesh again.
See him in VICE MEETS: ISSEI SAGAWA
14. SUROOSH ALVI
VICE co-founder Suroosh Alvi went to his ancestral homeland to visit the town where they can make you a fully functioning AK-47 out of a melted-down kettle and a plank of wood.
See him in looaaads of stuff, but if you want to see him with a gun, check out THE GUN MARKETS OF PAKISTAN
15. SPIKE JONZE
Spike has made a number of Hollywood films and dozens of dazzling music videos. He was the creative director of Vice Broadcasting Systems, which is now the video department of VICE.com. He was the one who suggested we film our articles, which in retrospect was a great idea.
See him in SPIKE SPENDS SATURDAY WITH…
16. FAT BOB
Sean Forbes works in the Rough Trade record shop in West London (he fucking hates east London). He was an instant hit on Noisey.com when he said VICE was shit and was rude about bands everyone pretends to like.
See him in RECORD SHOP DUDE
17. BLACK LIPS
They’re our house band and have also made films about moonshine, touring in Israel and being chased out of India by the police for getting naked and gay onstage.
See them in BLACK LIPS IN INDIA
18. CHARLET DUBOC
Charlet and her team jet around the world reporting on all the far-flung fashion weeks. To date they’ve covered stories in Islamabad, Kingston, Seoul, Rio, Medellín, Tel Aviv and Lagos – seems every major city likes to get fabulous once a year.
See her in FASHION WEEK INTERNATIONALE
19. DAVID ICKE
As part of our conspiracy theories series Magic Bullet , we spent a weekend on the Isle of Wight with David Icke, ex-footballer and leading conspiracy theorist, talking about blood sacrifices and reptilian royals.
Watch him in MAGIC BULLET: DAVID ICKE AND THE LIZARD APOCALYPSE
20. DUDE SCREWING A DONKEY
The cartoon says it all. In Cartagena, Colombia, young men like to practise their moves on donkeys.
See them in ASSES OF THE CARIBBEAN
21. JOHN CARDIEL
He’s kind of everyone’s favourite skater. This feature-length episode of Epicly Later’d follows his life, from snowboarder to skater to his shocking spinal injury up a mountain in Australia, right up to its uplifting present. Gnarly.
See him in EPICLY LATER’D: JOHN CARDIEL
22. THOMAS MORTON
Also known as Baby Balls, Thomas is the go-to guy for immersive and uncomfortable films. From throwing himself into the sewers of Bogota to hanging out in the heavy leather gay scene of New York or exploring ecological nightmares, his bespectacled face never shows fear. At least not much.
See him in so many films on VICE.com, but we suggest: TOXIC: GARBAGE ISLAND
23. RICHARD KERN
Richard Kern’s work for us mainly involves travelling the world and photographing beautiful young women taking their clothes off. For some reason, we thought it would be a good idea to turn this into a TV series.
See him in SHOT BY KERN
24. SOME DALSTON SUPERSTARS
No one outside this office knows if this show about hipsters in east London was a joke or not.
See them in DALSTON SUPERSTARS
Years ago we went to Norway to hang out with Kristian Eivind Espedal, also known as Gaahl, lead singer of Gorgoroth. He marched us up a mountain in sub-zero conditions while we cried and then he told us about the time he tortured a man for six hours while collecting his blood.
See him in TRUE NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL
26. HAMILTON MORRIS
VICE’s resident drug expert. He loves going to remote places to sample the local intoxicants. Zombie drugs in Haiti, frog drugs in Brazil, mushroomy drugs in Iceland: he’s done them all. Probably the most chilled-sounding man alive.
See him in HAMILTON’S PHARMACOPEIA
27. KARLEY SCIORTINO
Our in-house sexpert. She used to work with us in London writing about sex, but has now returned to her native America where they let her make whole films about sex. Those Americans! Now you can watch her pee on people.
See her in SLUTEVER
28. ANDEANS IN CRAZY HATS
At Christmas in the Peruvian state of Chumbivilcas, all the girls braid their hair and dress up nicely and the guys put on fancy ski masks. Then they beat the shit out of each other.
See them in THE VICE GUIDE TO TRAVEL: TAKANAKUY
29. KIM JONG-IL
VICE co-founder Shane Smith went to North Korea to secretly make a film about the country. On paper that’s a really dodgy idea, but it worked out OK. So he went back again.
See him in THE VICE GUIDE TO NORTH KOREA
30. ARMED KURDISH WOMEN
The female Peshmerga guerrillas of the Kurdish Liberation Movement earned a reputation in the 70s and 80s as demure diaboliques. We went to watch them train.
See them in FEMALE FIGHTERS OF KURDISTAN
31. SNOOP DOGG
Or Snoop Lion as he’s now known. VICE followed Snoop’s transition into a Rastafarian during a few months spent in Jamaica earlier this year.
Find out more in 2013 when you can see him in REINCARNATED
32. A KROKODIL ADDICT
Krokodil is one of the most horrific drugs in the world. What do you get when crazed addicts make their own intravenous drugs from match heads, eye drops, petrol and painkillers? You get people whose limbs disintegrate.
See them in KROKODIL TEARS
33. ANTWUAN DIXON
We spent some time with this ice-cool skater as he slurred his way from fight to fight and near arrests via a ton of bongs, booze and amazing skating.
See him in EPICLY LATER’D: ANTWUAN DIXON
34. SCOTTISH FOOTBALL FANS
People think we only like skateboarding, but actually most of us watch football all weekend in dingy pubs. So it didn’t take much debate to decide that we wanted to go to Glasgow to try and get to the bottom of the city’s deep-seated sectarian football violence.
See them in RIVALS: RANGERS & CELTIC
35. SOMEONE ON ACID
It’s a tired music-journo cliché for something being “wacky”, so we took acid and had a stab at stand-up comedy, interviewing Danny Dyer and attending London Fashion Week, dog shows and sex shows to see if they became funnier. They actually did.
See them in ...ON ACID!
Spike Jonze spent a Saturday with M.I.A. for his series, and earlier this year we premiered her insanely good Romain Gavras-directed “Bad Girls” video on Noisey.com, which just won a gazillion awards.
See her in SPIKE SPENDS SATURDAY WITH... M.I.A.
37. A WARIA
We met Indonesia’s persecuted Muslim transvestites. You know what? It’s not easy being a transvestite in a country with the world’s largest Islamic population.
See them in THE VICE GUIDE TO TRAVEL: THE WARIAS
Two decades ago, a 29-year-old patrol officer called Sergey Anatolyevitch Torop publicly declared himself reborn as Vissarion. Then he set up a “unified religion” blending Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, pagan and other spiritual beliefs. We went to chill with him and his followers.
See him in JESUS OF SIBERIA
39. BOOZED-UP WRESTLERS
This year we went to Glasgow to make The British Wrestler, in which we follow the larger-thanlife characters behind Insane Championship Wrestling. Wolfing down square sausages, drinking Buckie and getting the shit kicked out of themselves in town halls across the country is what they do – and they do it better than anyone.
Watch them in THE BRITISH WRESTLER
40. JO FUERTES-KNIGHT
A culinary psychopath and the antidote to every piece-of-shit cookery show on TV. No frills, no messing about, but plenty of heart attacks and booze.
See her in GIRL EATS FOOD
More from our 10th anniversary issue: