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The Mistakes Issue

I Want My Dvds

Sex dolls, Minor Threat, David Cross.

by Anita Crapper
01 December 2003, 12:00am




Inflated:
The Blow-Up Doll Films of Steve Hall and Cathee Wilkins
Your Mother Film And Video

The world may never understand why sleazy Californians Steve Hall and Cathee Wilkins spent more than a decade making this collection of short Hi-8 porno parodies starring a cast of multi-ethnic blow-up dolls (plus one genitally augmented E.T., cast from a stolen original mold), but one thing is for certain—this DVD is nothing less than a work of absolute retarded genius.

Can you claim to have seen anything like Deep Africa, in which black Summer and blonde Candy mail-order an alien from Africa to use as a house slave, beat him senseless after he does all their coke and chews up a two-headed dildo, then coo with delight as E.T. whips out his extraterrestrial dong and screws Candy’s sweet vinyl pussy? Answer: hells no. Or how about when a male blow-up doll cooks a ham, cuts out the bone, and bangs what looks like the world’s ugliest vagina—in lovingly lit close up—in Hambone. Or Lick My Pussy Dog, where Summer coats her air-tight snatch with Smucker’s so a real live cocker spaniel can eat her out?

Apparently while you were out wasting your life, Steve and Cathee realized a higher calling. Buy it, watch in awe, and repeat.

ED HALTER


Minor Threat
DC Space. Buff Hall. 9:30 Club.
Dischord

I’m well and truly adult-crashed by now but I’m still perfectly within my rights to declare ’03 hardcore completely fucking trite and worthless. Have you been to a hardcore show recently? It’s all kickboxing displays, repressed homosexuality, and bands that still hold a torch for evil dwarves like Ray Cappo. And how about all the fanzines that still begin with “I’m sorry for the shitty quality of this fanzine”? How about the coat-hanger girlfriends who still use daddy’s car to drive the singer of the band to the show? Holy cock sauce, dudes. Fuck you all.

So even though Minor Threat mistakenly invented all that stuff, they’re still one of the greatest bands in the world, and this DVD is totally essential. If you’re a new hardcore kid and you haven’t seen this, you should buy it and then kill yourself.

Okay, the content has all the stuff from the 1986 live video (amazing) plus new stuff like the Buff Hall show in 1982 that our hero Corey Rusk (see Page 83) from Touch and Go released as a bootleg 7” a few years back. There’s also an interview with Ian MacKaye from 1983 that was recorded for an aborted documentary on DC Hardcore (funny that, an aborted project to do with hardcore) and also fucked-up, grainy, black-and-white footage from December 1980 at the Unheard Of Music Festival at DC Space. They play six songs, the show clocks in at 6 minutes 35 seconds, and there isn’t a backpack, a goth, or a wooden choker to be seen. Fucking beautiful.

ANDY CAPPER


David Cross: Let America Laugh
Sub Pop

Even if you hate David Cross and hate comedy, we highly recommend this delicious slice of Americana. It perfectly sums up how terrible and great it is to go on tour. You have to deal with everything from shitty club owners who want to set up tables and sell food during your stand up set, to an audience member who is farting so loudly and horribly that it is stinking up an entire venue. Not to mention the drunk people. Getting drunk on your own terms is great, but what about when your job requires you to be around drunk louts who want to interview you and be your friend? Fuck, we feel sorry for famous people sometimes.

However, if you like David Cross and you like comedy, then this is going to blow your ass off. It is the D. Cross equivalent of the video for Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” video, where you see the strain and perils of life on the road and you still kind of envy it.

LEE HECHT