Your Hand and Face Tattoos are Making People Not Want to Employ You

But it's about time that changed, says one employment conciliation service.

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21 September 2016, 12:40pm

Basically the same as sending in a CV with a human shit wrapped inside it. Image by Flickr user JimmyWeee via Wikipedia.

Shocking news, people: having tattoos all over your face and hands makes your chances of getting a job a lot slimmer. Acas, a conciliation service, said that employers have antiquated views on tattoos, which feature on the skin of a fifth of modern Brits.

Acas says that employers should be reducing their draconian dress codes for a more chill and relaxed vibe, like what we have here at VICE, where sometimes we don't even wear clothes. While writing this I'm donned in nothing but a jock strap and a hat I own leftover from a 'Pimps and Hoes' fancy dress party. It's purple with a lime green feather coming out of it. I'm getting a tattoo as we speak, in fact; it's Mr. Chips from Catchphrase smoking a blunt. Why shouldn't the nation's paramedics be allowed to wear this while administering morphine to someone impaled on a garden fence? It's bullshit if you ask me.

Places which focus on a younger, go-getting staff like VICE and bars and stuff actually look for things like tattoos as, the research claims, it can be a sign of head strength and originality. What it doesn't say is that this would entirely depend on what the tattoo was. If it's a skeleton holding a dreamcatcher cross-legged on a cloud, then sure, people will think you're a little creative flower. However, a criss-cross of sharp tribal edges and 'MAM' etched into the elbow emblazoned on a heart is more likely to give your kooky ad agency the boak instead of inspiration, the classist pigs! It's also funny to think of tattoos as a kind of example of forward thinking and planning when most people get them when they're shitfaced on a stag do in Prague.

"Whilst it remains a legitimate business decision, a dress code that restricts people with tattoos might mean companies are missing out on talented workers." Said Stephen Williams, head of equality at Acas. "Isn't that what employers are looking for these days? Someone who doesn't always toe the line?"

Not gonna lie, if I was an employer all I'd want is someone to toe the line. The actual, literal last thing I would want is some independent-minded whippersnapper back-sassing me while looking like a Suicide Girls colouring book.

More from VICE:

Why the British Tattoo Industry Has Beef with 'Tattoo Fixers'

People with Face Tattoos Explain Their Ink

These Are the Most Popular Bad Tattoos in the UK and Ireland