The Furniture Index

This appeared in the June 2015 Fiction Issue of VICE Magazine.

NATURAL BAMBOO-BEADED CURTAIN WITH PAINTED TREE

These hang across the doorframe between the kitchen and the living room, which is spartanly furnished with a cheap couch and an old television set. According to feng shui, passing through the beads is supposed to make you feel at peace. The sound of the moving beads is also perfect for signaling a dramatic moment when a beautiful woman in a simple cotton dress appears out of nowhere, her hair salty from the sea, her skin kissed from the sun. She leans against the wall. You think of fucking her. Thomas Pynchon is fond of them.

POTTERY BARN GREENWICH UPHOLSTERED ARMCHAIR

The preferred furniture of today's Manhattan psychoanalyst. The chair is anonymous, authoritative, and slightly pretentious. A modest coffee table is placed in front of it, on which sits a leather box of tissues and a set of weighty silver coasters. There are two clocks in the office, one behind the patient, another facing him. A middle-aged man who is vain about his blond hair comes once a week. He can't afford more sessions, and he's sleeping with a much younger woman. Expect confessionals, denial, tears, and prepared confrontations. Jonathan Franzen. Jennifer Egan.

PAIR OF SHERATON DEMILUNE TABLES

Most often found in the foyer of a New England home where a married couple bitterly fights in loud whispers. The room is dark, the wood floor cold. She's wearing her bathing suit underneath her sundress, and her sunglasses mask the dark circles from a nasty hangover. He has an ache in his back from the long drive up from the city and a sunburn on his neck and arms from the first day out on the boat. Good for placing items that one will soon forget—the mail, say, or the small plastic baggy with a bottle of Advil from the local drugstore, which requires a leisurely 20-minute drive into town. Frequently found with a silver tray or vide poche for keys and wallets. A gilded Regency mirror might hang above. You may have seen them standing in the big house at Laud's Head from Cheever's "Goodbye, My Brother."

PAIR OF CERAMIC ELEPHANT GARDEN STOOLS

Painted white, with decorative green tops and marigold trim. The elephants possess delightful details—their toes are painted a brighter white, their budding tusks a gentle ivory. They were found at a Palm Springs flea market and now sit in the garden of a gay couple's home in Connecticut. Good for resting a foot while enjoying a cigarette in between courses of a boozy dinner. Or, on quieter nights, for sitting and a rolling a joint to smoke after washing the dishes with your best friend, who needs to divorce her husband. Could easily be found in any number of Ann Beattie stories.

WHITE ULTRA-LEATHER SOFA WITH CHROME FRAME

Low to the ground, elegantly positioned in the center of the living room, this sofa fits three comfortably, four if you want to be cozy. Good for a young Martin Amis type to crash on at dawn after an intense, bright night—traces of cocaine still on the glass coffee table, his last beer opened but barely touched and now warm. Another day passes, another night is now ahead. Sitting on this sofa allows for bursts of extreme confidence. You will feel young, your money endless, your ideas fresh. It's the white leather. Later, it will become stained. The sofa will sell for much less than you paid.

BAR HARBOR WICKER ARMCHAIR

Joan Didion is a fan of wicker. Ideally placed outside on a patio (but can also be tastefully set indoors). A slender woman steps out and slouches into the seat. She wears flat mules on her feet; her nails are buff, her lipstick precise. She'll look up and regard the sky as her sunglasses tip off her head. She considers everything that's just happened to her. She prefers to be alone.

FORMICA TABLE WITH OLIVE-GREEN TOP

You spill your problems here. Just like in that Mary Gaitskill story, a young mother with two kids asks a runaway teen to babysit while she looks for work. She leaves them peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. The teen waits for six o'clock.

White ultra-leather sofa with chromed metal frame, available on 1stdibs.com, $7,900. Pair of ceramic elephant garden stools from 1stdibs.com, price upon request. Matching pair of Bar Harbor wicker armchair/rocker, available on 1stdibs.com, $2,650. Pair of Sheraton demilune tables, available on 1stdibs.com, $88,500. Chair photo by Flickr user PoshSurfside.com, formica table photo by Flickr user Sarah Marriage, beaded-curtain photo by Flickr user Jason McHenry