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What Do Idiots Drink?

There's clever drinking and there's stupid drinking.

by Kareem Ghezawi
16 May 2012, 12:10pm

Photo via

Scotland has decided that the minimum price for a single unit of alcohol will be fixed at 50p. This may not seem like much if you're rich. But you know those super-cheap bottles of own-brand vodka you resort to when you're waiting for your dole money/ paycheck/ parental allowance to come through? Well those are gonna be 50 percent more expensive in Scotland now. And Scotland has never been a country to shy away from the sauce.

Fortunately other drinks, ones that cost more than a packet of sweets, won't be affected. But isn't it more noble to booze on the cheap? Isn't there some tacit admission that you're drinking for the base effects of the chemicals, rather than "the taste" (what?) or because for some reason sipping Jack Daniel's makes you feel like a Delta bluesman? If there's clever drinking and stupid drinking, what do idiots drink?

Paz, 45, photographer/ boutique owner: WKD! No, snakebite! Snakebite! Snaaaakebiiiite!

OK. What do you drink?
Old Fashioned!

Have you had one already?
What, today? No, I’m on cappuccino!

Is alcohol the best drug in the world?
No! Air! Oxygen!

Air's not really a drug though, is it?
Sex! Seeeeeex!

What do idiots drink?
David, 39, accountant: Babycham.

'Cos it’s awful.

I wouldn't know, before my time. What’s your preferred tipple?
Straight Bourbon with ice.


Steve, 18, chef: The idiots, they are all drinking Lambrini.

It's not really a cooking wine, is it?
[dirty look].

Phillipe, 22, student: An idiot? Alcohol?

Yeah, you know idiots, stupid people. Which type of alcoholic drink do they pour into themselves?
For me? If like it’s something blue, or something.

Ah, you don’t like drinks that look unnaturally coloured?
Yeah, a lot of sugar is full of shit, you do a vomit on the toilet.

What’s your favourite choice of alcohol?
I’m not very original. I always take the cheaper ones; vodka, like, £9 a bottle.

What is your favourite brand of vodka?
I told you. The cheapest.

Liz, 25, designer: Lambrini.

That’s the second time I’ve heard that today. What do you prefer?
Gin and tonic!

What do you think of a world without alcohol?
Who knows, at least with alcohol you can mask the despair.

I always thought gin made people depressed?

Adam, 22, retail manager: Judging by the adverts, let’s say WKD.

And judging by real-life experience?
Real-life experience, that would have to be gin and tonic.

Interesting. A few people have said that it's their favourite.
Nah, it makes you depressed. They call it "Mother's Ruin", don’t they? I know a lot of people who have been destroyed by G and T. It’s definitely an idiot's drink.

What’s your preferred drink?
If I’m going to drink anything, it’s got to be a pint of lager. It’s a good drink for any situation.

What’s the best drug in the world?
Cannabis, by a mile.

Everything’s better on weed. Every scenario gets better: You feel more relaxed, you don’t do anything stupid, like make a tit out of yourself in front of a bird or slap a bouncer.

Bouncers hate it when you slap them!

Previously - Who Would Haunt You?