Bruno the extra-as-hell, 25-pound cat with a penchant for standing on his hind legs, who won't eat unless you pet him, refuses to drink water if it's next to his food bowl, and gets pissed if you try to touch his belly, finally found a home on Monday after hundreds of brave souls applied to adopt him despite his long list of demanding quirks and qualities.
After lazily scanning through applications, perched on his hind legs like a disgruntled old man, Bruno decided (in consultation with Wright-Way Rescue in Illinois) that he'll spend the rest of his life having his many needs fulfilled by Lauren Paris, a Chicago-based actress and singer. One of his human servants at the shelter phoned Paris on Monday to tell her the news, which she was thrilled about but Bruno seemed pretty unfazed by, more preoccupied with settling himself into a comfortable position on a nearby table.
Bruno and Paris seem like a pretty good match: She nabbed the right to adopt the Mr. Pitt of the feline race by sending in a recommendation from her boss, a letter of intent, footage of her apartment, and an original song all about his hulking mass and highly specific needs—a fittingly extra application for an absurdly extra cat.
Paris won't take Bruno home from the shelter until Tuesday night, but according to her Twitter account, the cat destined for viral glory already has his own Instagram, because we all saw that one coming. Judging from what's been posted so far, it looks like Bruno will be pampered to death, just how he likes it: His new mom already bought him a feather wand toy (the only thing he'll play with), set up a water bowl in her bedroom (because he won't drink in the kitchen), and bought him a "candle for cats" that's supposed to somehow help him transition into his new home.
Sure, it's a bummer that Bruno is off the market, but at least you'll be able to follow his very extra ass on Instagram at
, where Paris will presumably document his incessant meowing, habit of propping himself up on his hind legs, and that unmistakable tummy that propelled him to viral fame in the first place.
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This article originally appeared on VICE US.