Science Has Figured Out How to Get Bees to Play Football, And It Is Fantastic

Researchers at Queen Mary University of London​ were curious to see if bees were capable of learning complex tasks, and the basic upshot is that we are months away from bees playing non-league football.

by UK Sports Staff
27 February 2017, 10:50am

For generations, humans have searched for the answers to many of the universe's most puzzling questions. We've been able to figure out that the earth is spherical (though recent events suggest not everyone is convinced), calculate the speed of light, and figure out a way to fly. That may seem pretty amazing but, then again, there is one obvious failing in our progress as a species, namely that we have never once been able to convince bees to play football.


Bees can play football now, guys. Bees can play football, for fuck's sake. Bees are probably planning to form up a team and enter themselves into the Essex Senior League, and they'll probably fucking win it, because let's face it who is going to successfully dispossess a bee of a tiny ball before they've stuck it in the back of the net with their tiny feet, or wings, or whatever.

As with most scientific advancements, football bees are the result of a happy accident. Researchers at Queen Mary University of London were curious to see if bees were capable of learning complex tasks and, lo and behold, they started pinging a football about the place like a load of tiny, pollen-obsessed midfield playmakers.

To learn the technique, the bees were trained under one of three conditions: some observed a previously trained bee move the furthest ball to the centre to gain reward, others received a "ghost" demonstration, where a magnet hidden underneath the platform was used to move the ball, and a third group received no demonstration, where they found the ball already at the centre of the platform with reward.

We are mere months away from a team of bees playing non-league football. This is the world we live in, guys, and some people still have the temerity to say that it is shit.