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Godworld: Super New Christian Theme Park In The UK?

by Kev Kharas
09 December 2010, 4:03pm

So some rich men in America are building a Creationist theme park, centered around a life-size, 7481m2 replica of Noah's Ark. They want to put it in Grant County, Kentucky, and it has the state's moral and financial backing, because the people in charge over there think that building a $24m Creationist theme park will help dig them out of the huge pile of financial shit they're in. It might not. But it might. Anyway, we were gonna do the usual thing where we snort smugly through our noses and go "Only in America!", but we thought that might be unfair on Americans, so I got in touch with some religious VIPs from the UK to see if they had anything similar up their sleeves.

The Jews, the Muslims, the Sikhs, the Hindus, the Catholics, the Pagans and the Rastas didn't want to talk to us, and the Jehovah's Witnesses aren't on the internet. This surprised me, as any religious fan I've encountered before has been pretty "chatty", but thanks to those below who were willing to help us mop up our confusion.

WORLD ZOROASTRIAN ORGANISATION

Creationists in America are raising funds to build a religious theme park based around a gigantic replica of Noah's Ark. Do you have anything similar planned?
Dear Kevin, In response to your question we have no plans to participate. There are many Zoroastrian organizations in the States who may be aware of the Ark project and will perhaps get involved.
Regards,
Sammy Bhiwandiwalla, President

Zoroastrians in the US might help build a Creationist theme park centered around a gigantic replica of Noah's Ark? Don't take this the wrong way Sam, but as someone whose grandfather was Parsi, I find that odd.
Parsis are very cosmopolitan in their outlook, though sadly reluctant to share their faith with others, so who knows? An accident of history from India, but things are changing. So if your grandfather was a Parsi, what about your father and you?

My grandfather moved to England from Bombay and married the Austrian woman who gave birth to my father, who grew up and married the English woman who gave birth to me. Would other Parsis consider that disgraceful?
At one time yes, though the children of mixed marriages like you, where the father is a Parsi, would be accepted but not the other way round. Amongst many of us it has never been an issue. If you believe in Zoroastrianism that’s what we feel is more important. I am intermarried myself, as are many other Parsis.

OK, thanks.


THE BUDDHIST SOCIETY UK

What about you? Any plans for a Buddhist theme park?
We have no plans for a Buddhist theme park. Noah's Ark sounds like it'll either be fun or a nightmare piece of Creationist propaganda. Hope it is just fun, as the latter is too awful to contemplate.
Dr Desmond Biddulph, Chairman

OK. What would a Buddhist theme park look like, do you think? Figuratively speaking.
Big temples and temple complexes in Buddhist countries are theme parks. Look at Borobudur, Angkor Wat, the Temple of the Tooth in Sri Lanka. They've been at it a long time – Lourdes in France or St Peter's in Rome, Michelangelo's Pieta, the Sistine Chapel...

Do they have rides and stuff there?
Not to my knowledge.

Do you think if they did more people would be into Buddhism?
No.


CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY ATHEIST AND AGNOSTIC SOCIETY

Hey CUASS. Do you have anything similar to this planned?
Yes, I'm planning to build a scale replica of the ark in my back garden... NO. Of course I don't have anything similar planned. What are you on about?
Dominic Hinkins, CUAAS President

Sorry, I thought CUAAS would appreciate being drawn into the wider dialogue. Don't you think the UK would benefit from having its own monument to disbelief?
Um, yes. I'm sure all the gods we believe in would really appreciate that. Why would we need one?

Why would American Creationists need a life-size replica of Noah's Ark?
Touché.


NATIONAL SECULAR SOCIETY

You're on the religious grapevine. Have you heard of anyone planning something similar to this Ark thing in the UK?
Dear Mr Kharas, fortunately we don't have anything quite on that scale in the UK. A major Christian Creationist theme park was proposed a few years ago, but I think the project ran into trouble when they attempted to raise funds and found out how deeply unpopular it was with virtually everyone, including Christians.
I hope this helps,
Stephen Evans, Senior Campaigns Officer

Would you take your kids there?
I choose facts to faith or fiction when it comes to understanding the world we live in. Science is a system of knowledge based on observation, empirical evidence and testable explanations of natural phenomena. By contrast, Creationism is based on literal interpretations of the narratives of religious texts. I regard Creationism as the height of ignorance, so no, I wouldn’t take my kids there.

But it's a gigantic ark!
[digital silence]

Not even is there was a huge flood?
[no reply]

Sorry if I've offended you, Stephen.
[still no reply]


CHURCH OF ENGLAND

Are you gonna do what the American Creationists are doing and build a religious theme park with a gigantic replica of Noah's Ark in it?
No, the Church of England has no plans to build a life-size replica of Noah's Ark, but through its 16,000 churches and thousands of schools it regularly engages in a variety of innovative ways with the community it serves.
Sarah Harden, Senior Media Officer

Do you think if Henry VIII was still around he'd have the balls to carry off a project like this?
[no response]


BRITISH HUMANIST ASSOCIATION

Creationists in America are raising funds to build a religious theme park based around a gigantic replica of Noah's Ark. Do you have anything similar planned?
No Kev, we are not planning to do anything like this! Maybe you should contact the Natural History Museum?
Andrew Copson, Chief Executive

I already did. They said no too. Looks like this sort of thing does only happen in America, then.

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