Al Pacino, Sylvester Stallone, and Guy Fieri Walk Into a Kitchen: An Actual Thing That Happened

We have so many questions about this friendship, and Stallone's 30-second video doesn't answer any of them.
11 January 2020, 1:30pm
Sylvester Stallone, Al Pacino, and Guy Fieri
Screengrabs via Sylvester Stallone's Twitter

This article originally appeared on VICE US.

Maybe you've had a long, arduous week at work, and you're suffering from a severe case of burnout. Maybe you stayed out until 2 a.m. ripping shots at some bar in your neighborhood last night, and you're battling a debilitating hangover at your desk. Maybe you're totally fine: You love your job, you have a happy and successful marriage, and you're raising a beautiful child in a beautiful house. It doesn't matter—wherever you're at right now, your day is about to improve by, like, 10,000 percent. Behold:

Your eyes do not deceive you: This is, in fact, a video of Sylvester Stallone, Al Pacino, and Guy Fieri hanging out—a "meeting of the titans," as Stallone so eloquently put it. It appears to have been taken at Stallone's house around Christmastime, where, for whatever reason, Guy Fieri was cooking what must have been a funkalicious, bomb-dot-com tasty meal for the three of them—along with some sportswriter named Jay Glazer, who is absurdly lucky to have been a part of this, and who is now the most envied man in America.

We've learned a few interesting, surprising facts through this footage: Sylvester Stallone and Guy Fieri chill, which kind of makes sense, in a weird, inexplicable way. Additionally, Sylvester Stallone is friends with Al Pacino, who is apparently "always hungry."

The world deserves to know how the rest of this day unfolded, starting with the moment the footage cuts off. Pacino, just after divulging that he is—again—always hungry, begins to speak: "I fu—." It seems like the next word out of his mouth is "fuck"—but what's he about to say? It could be something normal, suited to this moment, like "I fucking love your show." But then again, this is Pacino (a wild card), and he's in a room with Guy Fieri. All bets are off. Maybe he just goes off the rails here and says something totally bizarre, like "I fucked a meatball," or "I fucking hate your shirt." The world will never know.

What's Guy Fieri cooking? What do these three talk about? How and why did Sylvester Stallone set this meeting up? Is this our first glimpse into some kind of weird, clandestine, Illuminati-like cabal of old Italian men who secretly run Hollywood? Here's to hoping that someday, somehow, we see more footage from this epic summit, and a few of these burning questions get answered. Who knows—maybe Jay Glazer recorded the whole thing on his phone.

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.