A version of this article first appeared on MUNCHIES in April 2017.
Here, have a dollar for every time you got stoned and found yourself elbow-deep in a box of stale cereal—and now you've got enough cash to buy another eighth!
Before you light up again, have a little forethought and you won't be riddled with self-hatred in a few hours. One trip to the store and a few minutes of prep is all you need to feel virtuous as hell when you're lit off the devil's lettuce—this time, you'll be eating something that requires a few more steps than opening a bag and licking cheese dust off your fingers.
True to our name, here are some… ahem, munchies, so you can do 4/20 right.
You probably have deja vu, because you've definitely thought up the magical combination known as pizza nachos after a weird night of hitting a stranger's vape pen. Lucky for you, we wrote up the recipe for your bookmarking convenience—though all you really need to remember is pita chips + pizza-like toppings + hot-ass oven. Pizza. Nachos.
RECIPE: Supreme Pizza Nachos
Is it just us, or is queso a supremely underrated consume-while-high food? This simple and deeply, scarily satisfying recipe is best enjoyed standing over the stove with a family-sized back of tortilla chips.
Midwesterners know what the fuck is up. If you haven't had cheese curds, they kind of transcend our lexicon of bombness, but, for all intents and purposes, consider them bite-sized mozzarella sticks. But also, don't think too hard about it.
RECIPE: Fried Cheese Curds
If you're going to maintain that cold pizza is the best pizza, we're not going to fight you. But we are going to bring to your attention the fact that "french toast" is now a verb, and we french toasted pizza. Yes, it is every bit as incredible as you'd expect. No, don't put maple syrup on it. You know, unless you want to. Just gonna leave this here.
RECIPE: Pizza French Toast
Here's one of those delicious things that you, in a perfect world, enjoy in high solitude and don't tell anyone about. Since actual secret-keeping doesn't make for great internet content, we've shared the best ten-minute, three-ingredient, best-served-while-slinking-into-the-shadows recipe—you can (and should) eat out of the ramen bag, saving yourself some dishwashing on 4/21.
RECIPE: Spam and Cheese Ramen
Grilled cheese is, for obvious reasons, the archetypal stoner food. It's warm, it's bready, it's cheesy, and even your comatose dealer Drug-Rug Blake can make it. This kimchi-laced version by Deuki Hong, co-author of Koreatown: A Cookbook, is just as easy, and arguably more even more delicious—Cowgirl Creamery Mt. Tam cheese, nori seaweed, Granny Smith apple, and kimchi are piled high between two halves of a Hawaiian roll brushed in gochujang mayo. Can't be mad at that.
RECIPE: Kimchi Grilled Cheese
Since the stoned stomach is bottomless (it's science), you've got to be prepared with sweet shit to follow the savory. Easy answer: fudgy brownies. This recipe get bonus points for being vegan—so you don't get freaked out thinking about how, like, crazy it is, dude, that we eat unborn chickens.
RECIPE: Vegan Chocolate Brownies
At the end of the day, we know what you want to eat when you're all hecked up on weed. You want to dump the contents of your pantry—cereal, chocolate syrup, candy—on a massive bowl of ice cream. We see your stoner sundae and raise you a bowl of fluffy, gooey Korean shaved milk. Dope, and shockingly easy to assemble.
RECIPE: Korean Shaved Milk
Hungry yet? Happy highlidays.