eat that! and another!

Griffiths, Gayle and Arda Turan: Vice Sports UK Goals of the Week

Goals are football's most crucial ingredient, without which the sport would lose all flavour. Without further ado, let us behold the best goals of the past week and revel in their absolute deliciousness.

by UK Sports Staff
19 August 2016, 4:15pm

With the football season back in full swing at this point, we have seen a fresh influx of that most precious of commodities: goals. For football fans, goals are worth more than precious silk, or gleaming silver, or rare spices from the mysterious east. Goals are the lifeblood of the beautiful game, the heavenly manna on which football fans nourish themselves. Goals are to football what flour is to cake, what milk is to butter, what what ore bauxite is to the aluminium smelting process.

Goals are football's most crucial ingredient, without which the sport would lose all flavour. Without further ado, then, let us behold the best goals of the past week, and revel in their absolute deliciousness until we can revel no more.


Scottish football is a wonderful thing, really. It has a magnificent knack for getting the best out of bang-average players, and for making workmanlike jobbers seem like Olympian gods. Over the course of four seasons with Wolverhampton Wanderers, Leigh Griffiths made a grand total of 31 appearances, scoring 13 goals. Now he's at Celtic, and he looks like Diego Maradona, for fuck's sake.

Much like Maradona, Griffiths deserves a place in the pantheon of decent free kick takers. With Celtic leading Hapoel Be'er Sheva 2-0 in their midweek Champions League qualifier, the Hoops' striker decided to try his luck from just outside the box. Despite the tight angle, he curled a beautiful free kick past Hapoel goalkeeper David Goresh. If there had been a target hanging at the perfect spot in the top corner, Griffiths would have hit it square on.


After a disappointing start to the season, Newcastle were in dire need of a win this week. Having been tipped for an immediate return to the Premier League this term, the Magpies kicked off their campaign with consecutive losses to Fulham and Huddersfield, which is obviously quite shite. Those results left them mired towards the bottom of the Championship table, before they welcomed Reading to St. James' Park on Wednesday night.

The Geordie nation needed someone to stand up and be counted. In the end, that someone was Dwight Gayle.

Gayle ran Reading ragged all evening, and his efforts were rewarded with a prime opportunity to showcase his skill. Isaac Hayden was fouled in front of goal, and Dwight was asked to step up to the plate. He did so with aplomb, smashing a 20-yard free kick past the outstretched hand of Ali Al-Habsi and into the back of the rippling net. Cue Rafa Benitez tearing his shirt off, windmilling it around his head and shouting "gol-gol-gol-gol-gooool" like one of those mental Spanish television commentators. Probably.


We're loathe to praise Barcelona, to be honest. They get so much praise from everyone else, with their revolutionary tactics, their wonderful squad and their unprecedented silverware and general magnificence. It makes us sick to our stomachs, watching people fawn over them like they're god's gift to the world of football. We refuse to engage in this vile sycophancy, this collective brown-nosing of the planet's most successful football team.

Still, did you see that Arda Turan goal in the Spanish Super Cup? Phwoar!

VICE Sports
Fc Barcelona
Newcastle United
leigh griffiths
evocative prose
arda turan
dwight gayle
goals of the week