There’s a psychic from Southampton called Craig Hamilton-Parker who says he can predict the future.Somewhere between Christmas and New Year I lost myself to his website for several hours, having delved into the tricky world of psychic predictions. At points the guy is spot on. For example, he successfully predicted Brexit, though arguably that was very much a 50\50 (or 52\48) call. A headline from The Independent also states he predicted the Trump presidency.
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However there are other times when Hamilton-Parker is slightly less on the money. The death of the Queen is a regular feature in his predictions. Given that she’s 91, it could be argued that's less of a psychic prediction and more of a general punt in the direction of common sense. The same goes with his seemingly evergreen prediction there will be a terror attack in a major European city – much less of a prediction and more the uttering of someone with a baseline knowledge of the current international political landscape.The more I read, the more I became convinced that, potentially, Hamilton-Parker might be relying more on context clues than psychic powers to predict the future. And so, I figured: I listen to music. I have more than a glancing investment in the minutiae of the lives of people I have never met (team Solange for life), and I have bills to pay, so – much like my pal Craig – I have also made some predictions for the year in music in 2018. Strap in kids, because it’s going to be quite the ride.
Reunions:
Oasis
In 1995, a recording named "Wibbling Rivalry" was released on which Noel and Liam Gallagher argue and bicker about whether being thrown off a ferry and deported is rock and roll or football hooliganism. The 15-minute recording then takes a whistle-stop tour around both brother’s egos as they shout over, across and at each other, intermittently stopping to once again reassert that Oasis are one of the greatest bands on the planet.
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23 years later, they’re still fucking doing it – what’s worse is that there are people who are still fucking interested. At best, the Gallagher feud is a simple pissing contest, an exploration of sibling rivalry through the medium of the phrases ‘fuck you’ and ‘shut up’. At worst it proliferates a culture of toxic masculinity in which the fallacy that insults equate to emotions is perpetuated.All this for a band who’ve made some of the most boring guitar music of the last 30 years bar maybe Coldplay and Keane. And in 2018, it’s about to get much, much worse. According to Liam Gallagher on Twitter, the brothers are back on speaking terms, filling the hearts of people called Brad or Bernard or Ross who spent most of their university years at Propaganda with joy.Fear not, though: they’ll be back to calling each other potatoes soon enough.There are those who have put a good deal of time and energy into researching the possibility of a Destiny’s Child reunion. Trawling through the Instagram feeds of Beyonce, Kelly, Michelle and the other ones; piecing together bits of the puzzle; analysing cryptic posts; playing Destiny’s Child hits backwards searching for clues; frantically tweeting about it, working themselves up into a frothing, fever pitch.I am not one of those people. Instead, I chose to rely on a heady combination of homosexual intuition and wishful thinking. Either way, you’re probably going to want to start preparing for this jelly very soon because 2018 is about to get bootylicious. Or something like that.
Destiny’s Child
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