Who doesn’t appreciate toilet humour in music? From simple yet effective band names like The Singing Butts, to those Bloodhound Gang songs that never quite found their way into the trash folder, to blink-182’s entire legacy, there are few careers that can’t be improved by a well-placed rude word.
You would think that, after a while, jokes about body fluids and the parts that secrete them would get old. But somehow, the joy prevails. One band who haven’t grown out of the highest form of low humour are My Dick, made up of two guys who go by the names Cool Hand and Hand Solo. Their mission in life is to ruin or improve (depending on your perspective) timeless pop songs by inserting the words “my dick” into the lyrics. A lot. The effect it has on the human brain is similar to the Great Taylor Swift “Starbucks Lovers” Misconception of 2014 - after just a few listens, you really start to question (and often forget) what the real lyrics actually are. Did John Lennon really want us to imagine a world without My Dick? Hearing My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release you’ll surely be in a better place to judge, with its reimaginings of “Ironic”, “The Way It Is” and “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, now with added dick.
I talked to Hand Solo, the vocal talent behind this progressive crotch rock about forming the group, giving himself the Record of the Year (beating Ian Curtis’ ghost) and the potential of expanding into Yer Balls.
Noisey: Hey Hand Solo. So, when do you think you’ll stop finding this funny?
Hand Solo: I'm afraid we do not have an answer to that. I couldn't begin to explain why it's funny at all, as it looks pretty bad on paper. Maybe it's the absurd attention to detail. We consider it high art, to be honest, but it isn't always interpreted as such, which is, of course, not really up to us, is it?
No, no it definitely is now. How did My Dick even form?
My Dick formed in 2004 at a barbecue when Cool Hand forgot the lyrics to "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.
That song is effortlessly quotable though.
Okay, it's possible he never knew the words to that song so we just added “my dick” to the lyrics. At first we were focused on Lilith Fair-type material.
Dear diary style songwriters?
Exactly, but it just seemed a little too easy and not all that funny so we brought in a few things that we legitimately loved, like Hall and Oates and it was a little more balanced. That being said, our Genesis covers may never see the light of day. Too much love there.
How much of your life have you wasted spent on this?
We recorded the debut album in 2006 and 2007, as we were doing an upgrade at the studio I worked in and needed some 'test material'. It turned out funnier than we thought. Normally I was the engineer, but I had to teach Cool Hand how to do that because I could not be in the room when he was doing the vocals. I would literally fall on the floor screaming with laughter. We are questionable as grown-ups.
Do you actually do this shit live?
We played our first show in 2007 or 2008. It began with an awards ceremony during which we awarded ourselves Record of the Year. We beat the ghost of Ian Curtis.
Where did the idea for your ‘concept’ album come from?
There really was no concept. Eventually we had a lot of songs in the can and somebody said the title “Double Full-Length Release” and it was a done deal. We sat on it until mid-December 2012. There was a lot of shit happening around that time in the States (shootings etc) and in a rare My Dick moment of solemnity we decided people could maybe use a laugh going into the holidays so we threw it up on Bandcamp.
I’m sure it helped America a lot. What’s your favourite song on there?
Mine is "Baker Dick," and I know Cool Hand is partial to "Dick On My List". They sort of change all the time, though. "Imagine Dick" might be the one that makes me laugh the hardest, but "Baker Dick" is kind of amazingly uplifting, funny, and maudlin at the same time. It's beyond comprehension.
Who you be the perfect collaboration for My Dick?
Well we actually got one of our dream-collaborators in the silky-voiced Gordon Merrick, who appears on "Don't Go Breaking My Dick." We would love to work with Bloodhound Gang and maybe Sir Paul McCartney. There are actually a bunch of Sirs we would like to work with. "Goodbye Yellow Dick Road" would be a goddamn masterpiece. We have some ideas for Cliff Richard. Maybe some spoken-word parts for Patrick Stewart.
Where do you see My Dick going in the future?
We've done a lot of groundwork for the second album but life gets in the way and it keeps getting delayed. It will be terrific though. Our song list is overwhelmingly pleasing. We believe the world will be different when it sees the light of day.
Would you ever do a more female-friendly album?
The follow-up record will have many tones intended for the enjoyment of dogs and cats specifically. “Pet-Friendly” might be a nice cover sticker, or, hell, even the title.
Do you think if you spent some time with a Freudian therapist they would come to the conclusion that you are utterly and frantically obsessed with your penis?
Okay. Best of luck My Dick!
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