Watching Miley Cyrus is like witnessing an identity crisis in real time. In the past few years she’s evolved from a Disney Channel mainstay looking for her first party in the USA, to a twerking Justin Bieber look-alike with about as much personality as a slogan-led t-shirt from IT’S A HOT SHOP FOR COOL PEOPLE…LOLZ!I’m not sure who Miles is beyond an internet meme and I’m not sure that, beyond choosing which artist to ape next, even she knows. But, I am sure that she wants to be ratchet, a term that’s been floating around long before the first COMME DES FUCKDOWN beanie appeared on a #nofilter Instagram account.Lil’ Millz isn’t just begging to put her postmark on a lower level A$AP member’s penis; she’s probably paying a team of intern graduates to craft her into a living breathing version of #raptwitter, which makes it all the more disappointing that there are GCSE students with more legitimate credentials. I’m sorry Miley Ray Cyrus, you’re not ratchet and you’re never going to be.Because I know that someone has meticulously thought about it – Cyrus is a multi-million dollar vehicle, of course she can pay someone to think up her own five-year plan - I’m going to outline the things that Miley thinks are ratchet, and shoot them down, one by one, just because I can.SHE CAN TWERK
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