Internet Exploring

Is Kanye West in a Sex Cult?

We have gone into the bowels of the rap internet to bring you this serious analysis.
03 June 2016, 9:00am

Kanye explaining the length and size of a phantom dick

Kanye likes to write about fucking. In detail. It's weird and gross and awkward a lot of the time, especially when he talks about bleached assholes and the like. But what if there's something deeper to his coital obsession? In a KanyeToThe thread, which was apparently the second part in an ongoing series of serious scholarly analyses presumably on songs about ass-eating, one user proposes that 'Ye is part of a Kubrickian sex cult and that "I'm in It" describes one of his orgies.

It's great that the author provides this helpful disclaimer and warning at the beginning. We are about to enter the depths of the Yeezusphere.

Seems legit. Absolutely not ridiculous at all. Kanye has to be thinking this hard about everything all the time. Plus, we know that he's a Kubrick stan, so anything that even kind of resembles Eyes Wide Shut has to be a direct reference. It's not like he wrote the lyrics to this album in a week or anything.

The OP goes on to elaborate how "put my fist in her like a civil rights sign" is "not necessarily" about fisting but about how the elite Illuminati folks at the ritual can remove the rights of others through these orgies(?) and that this works with a "satanic philosophy"(??) of "do what thou wilt". As the author notes, "Do you really think that [Kanye] would fist the girl he's in a relationship with? Lol again, no." The last time someone said a song wasn't "necessarily" about fisting was Tool, and even they gave up trying to force their song's deeper meaning onto people who correctly thought they heard a song about fist-fucking. The OP also says that Kanye's chopped-up screaming suggests that the girl he's banging is a robot which... Sure. Why not.

The initial replies, about two years old, describe the author as a "lunatic" but there are few who run with this reading, going so far as to invoke the Illuminati. In retrospect, the thread may have jumped the shark when someone linked to the OG version of "Ave Maria" along with pictures of disconnected Roman mosaics like they're in a 4chan version of The Da Vinci Code. But wild theories have a habit of resurfacing and sure enough, some KTT user jumped back into the cellar, declaring the thread a "classic" and wondering if the OP was onto something after all these years. The story may never end as long as there are huge dweebs writing things on the internet.

Phil Witmer is a huge dweeb writing things on the internet. Follow him on Twitter.