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Surfer Blood's 'Pythons' Is for When I Want to Have a Carefree Afternoon Free of Aggression

I'M GONNA GO FILM A SKATE VIDEO PART TO THE SHIT.

by The Kid Mero
14 June 2013, 9:00am

OH OK THIS IS COOL I LIKE THIS. IT'S VERY DISTORTED GUITAR WITH A NIGGA THAT SOUNDS LIKE HE COULD BE BRITISH. THESE NIGGAS DEFINITELY SMOKE WEED OUT OF AN APPLE. TO BE HONEST I NEVER HEARD OF THESE GUYS BUT BASED ON THEY BAND NAME I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE SUPER WILD CORNY CARTOONISHLY SCREAMY BULLSHIT. FIRST TRACK IS AN EXCELLENT "I'M SUPER HIGH RIGHT NOW DRIVING THIS AMERICAN MADE CONVERTIBLE ON A SCENIC STRETCH OF HIGHWAY WHILE THE CAMERA PANS OUT AND UP ON SOME MOVIE SHIT" SONG. WILD PAUSE AT "I CAN SUCK THE VENOM OUT OF YOUR BONE" THOUGH. I HAD AN "EXOTIC DANCER" TELL ME THE SAME SHIT ONCE AND I WAS LIKE "WHAT? HOW MUCH COCAINE HAVE YOU DONE TONIGHT MA? APPROXIMATELY?"

THIS DUDE SOUNDS LIKE BABY MORRISSEY ON "GRAVITY" OR MAYBE I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT MORRISSEY TO MAKE THAT STATEMENT. MAYBE SOME NIGGA IN A V-NECK AND GLASSES IS GONNA READ THAT AND BE LIKE "NO FUCKING WAY DEWD! ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING DEWD!? MORRISSEY IS A FUCKING LEGEND!!" HAHAHAHA YO IMAGINE MORRISSEY AS A BABY? LIKE MORRISSEY BUT WITH THE WHOLE BABY SWAG, MAYBE WEARING A KNIT BUNTING AND SHIT. IF I WAS GONNA START A BAND IT WOULD SOUND LIKE THESE NIGGAS BECAUSE THEY SOUND LIKE EXACTLY THE TYPE OF ROCK THAT IS ACCESSIBLE TO BIRACIAL COOL GIRLS...FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW BIRACIAL WOMEN WITH CURLY HAIR AND FAT BUTTS ARE MY KRYPTONITE. IF YOU ARE AN ART SCHOOL BLACK GIRL WITH A WHITE DAD I FUCK WITH YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU MA, YEAH OF COURSE WE CAN COLLABORATE ON A PROJECT FOR SURE...YEAH I'LL COME OVER WITH SOME WEED. OH WHATS THAT? YOU DONT USUALLY DO THIS BUT I'M REALLY COOL? YEAH I KNOW MA IT'S ALL GOOD *TURNS ON SURFER BLOOD, RECEIVES AVANT GARDE BJ*

THAT WAS FUN LET'S DO IT AGAIN SOME TIME.

YO THIS IS A FUN ALBUM MAN I'M ACTUALLY ABOUT TO PUT THIS IN MY CAR FOR WHEN I WANNA HAVE A FUN CAREFREE AFTERNOON FREE OF AGGRESSION AND MAYBE DO SOME BARBECUING BY THE LAKE EXCEPT I LIVE IN THE BRONX AND THERE'S NO LAKES HERE THAT AREN'T JUST HOLES FULL OF WHATEVER LEAKS OUTTA THE BOTTOM OF CARS AND ALSO LIQUID RAT FECES. UGH THAT JUST DEPRESSED THE FUCK OUTTA ME. I HOPE SHANE SMITH READS THIS AND IS LIKE "GIVE THAT GUY MORE MONEY I FEEL BAD. EH."

IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS TATTOOS THAT AREN'T BABY NAMES AND/OR PUERO RICAN FLAGS, SHE'S GONNA REALLY LIKE THIS. SO GO BUY IT AND HAVE IT PLAYING WHEN YOU DRIVE HER TO LAKE GEORGE FOR THE WEEKEND. YOU'RE WELCOME BALLBAG I JUST GOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN THE MOOD FOR YOU.

I GIVE THIS 4.75 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE THIS IS VERY HARMONIOUS SING ALONGY WEEZERISH WELL CRAFTED "POP ROCK" ??? IS THAT A GENRE? PLEASE PLACE YOUR ANSWER HERE [Yes, but that doesn't make this guy less of a domestically abusive dick.]

STANDOUT TRACK: THERE'S JOINTS ON HERE MY NIGGA, MY FAVORITE IS "I WAS WRONG." I'M GONNA GO FILM A SKATE VIDEO PART TO THE SHIT.

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