Drinking Games, Ranked from Least Terrible to Truly Terrible

You’ve heard of “drinking on your own,” now try drinking with peer pressure!

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Sep 18 2018, 5:24pm

(Photo via Flickr user Laura LaRose)

So, you’ve made it to university. Congrats. Prepare for the cushiest time of your life, when doing an English exam on ket and getting a 41 cus you physically couldn’t hold a pen doesn’t get you fired or arrested, but results in mad credit from awful uni lads you will never speak to again after first year. You’ll meet more “Fizzys” than you ever thought possible, even though that can’t be a fucking name, can it? No one knows how to use a microwave. Being a student truly is a hedonistic dystopia of Pot Noodle, anthologies, and very, very awkward sex.

Another phenomenon of the university experience, largely created to help you socialise with people you have nothing in common with, is the drinking game. As you’re shoved into a flat with five strangers, only two of whom you’re certain aren’t sociopaths, you need a little social lubricant to make things less shit. Amazingly, simple drinking will not do. Thus, you must create a ritual in order to keep peace with the guy who said he loves halls because it “reminds him of boarding school.” Think of the drinking game as a political union of sorts, but with cider and shit jokes.

The problem is that drinking games are not fun, proven by the fact that as soon as you leave uni or find people you don’t secretly hate, you stop playing them. They’re just not that effective at papering over the cracks of your very fragile relationship with Greg the engineering student who has never heard of your degree. Nor do they help de-escalate a conversation about fucking Brexit between Maggie from Liverpool and Clementina.

So, here they are: student drinking games ranked, from “OK, I can do this for 45 minutes but then I’m getting a cab,” to “Should we call someone for help?”

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