It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Two unnamed men in Canada
The incident: Some men wanted diced onions on their sandwiches in a restaurant that doesn't have diced onions.
The appropriate response: Going to a restaurant that has diced onions or ordering some other form of onion and dicing it yourself with your teeth while it's in your mouth.
The actual response: One of the men threw a live snake at the guy behind the counter.
On Tuesday, two unnamed 20-year-old men were buying sandwiches at a Tim Hortons restaurant in Saskatoon, Canada. According to a report on CBC News, the men attempted to order diced onions on their sandwiches. This created a problem for the man serving them, as Tim Hortons does not do diced onions.
According to Saskatoon Police, this led to an argument between the two men and the person serving them.
Obviously yelling at someone over the availability of diced onions in a fast food restaurant is already a bit much, but these two men are said to have taken it one step further. One of them is reported to have taken a snake from the other's pocket, and thrown it across the counter at the server.
"Obviously [the workers] were very frightened," a police spokesperson told CBC. "There was quite a lot of screaming going on."
Police arrived and took the men and the snake (which turned out to be nonvenomous) into custody. The men face charges of mischief and causing a disturbance.
The snake has been placed in a temporary home until it can be released into the wild in the spring. Police did not specify why the fuck someone was walking around with a live snake in their pocket.
Cry-Baby #2: Dimitri Diatchenko
The incident: A woman asked her ex-boyfriend to move out of the apartment they shared.
The appropriate response: Moving out.
The actual response: The man allegedly killed and ate her pet rabbit.
Dimitri Diatchenko is a 46-year-old actor who lives in Los Angeles. According to his IMDB profile, he has played roles like "Head Russian" on Sons of Anarchy and "Thug #1/Carl" on Diagnosis Murder.
This past weekend, his ex-girlfriend, whom he shared an apartment with, told him that she didn't want to live with him anymore, CBS reports.
According to police, Dimitri responded to this by taking his ex-girlfriend's rabbit, Ella, killing it, skinning it, and eating half of it. He reportedly took photos of each step, which he sent to his ex. When she returned to the apartment, Dimitri allegedly told her that he would do the same thing to her.
A reporter from CBS spoke to Dimitri by phone, and he claimed that he had purchased rabbit meat at the store and set his ex's bunny free in order to trick her into thinking he had killed her pet. Which, if true, would still make him a pretty gigantic dick.
Dimitri faces charges of cruelty to an animal with use of a knife and making a criminal threat.
Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here, please:
Winner: The cop!!!