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A Story About Penis Size To Make You Feel Either Very Good or Very Bad About Your Own Personal Penis

It's a good day to be Polish and have a big dick, and a bad day to be British anything.
05 May 2016, 11:45am

Penis news now, and thank you science for this, there are now finally some hard and fast numbers on what constitutes an average penis and what constitutes an above-average penis, length-wise, which is good, the numbers, these numbers will bring a message of hope and support to every man alive, every man alive secretly constantly wondering if their penis is average enough or not, men constantly worried about their perceived dick length when compared to others, penis paranoia being the only reason wars start, the only reason men make money or get rich, the only reason Donald Trump is running for president. Everything, when it all boils down to it, every action man undertakes is to prove or disprove how average their penis is, amen. So thank you science for this.

Anyway a new large-scale questionnaire'n'study combo by online sexual health website 'DrEd' has found a small but statistically significant difference between the average penis size as perceived by penis-having men and non-penis-having women, with men guessing the average was 5.6 inches and women chucking it somewhere nearer the 5.4 inch mark.

And when asked their ideal length, men went for 6.5 inches and women went for 6.2.

The survey also found size perception changed depending on which country you come from, so Polish, Austrian and Italian people had a high expectation of average penis size (15.7 cm, 15.6cm and 15.3cm) while Portuguese, French and obviously British – obviously, there is just something in our makeup, the eternal underdog complex, the world is against us and our untowering penises – pitched the average much lower (13.9cm, 13.6cm and 12.4cm respectively). So: good day to be Polish and have a big dick, bad day to be British anything.

An anonymous DrEd penis spokesperson said: "When it comes to perceptions of average size, men and women have very similar ideas. Women estimated the average penis length to be 13.8 cm [5.4 inches], and for men, this was only 0.3 cm [0.1 inch] greater.

"We compared this to the results of a 2015 review of studies on penis size that included over 15,000 men from around the world. The average penis length when erect was found to be 13.12 cm [5.2 inches] – almost one whole centimeter less than the average estimate given by men in our study.

"When considering notions of an ideal length, it becomes clear that expectations don't always match up with reality."

The survey – which polled 2,121 over-18s, 1,055 from America and 1,066 dotted through Europe – also tallied male satisfaction with penis size, with most men being pretty okay with their dicks: 29.5% had neutral feelings about their size, only 10.3% were actively dissatisfied, and 1.7% were furiously dissatisfied with the state of their choppers. The majority (44.5%) were satisfied.

The findings also showed the effect of penis size on male sexual confidence, with 59.4% of respondents reporting no effect at all, 24.7% attributing their size to a boost in sexual confidence, and 15.8% having decreased confidence in the fuck room thanks to their size. Women reported that penis size was somewhat important (67.4%) or very important (11.2%), with 21.4% saying it's not important at all.

Sadly the study didn't report any findings on whether 'it's not the meat, it's the motion' is a scientifically viable thing to say for men with average or below-average sized penises who want to give the impression that they fuck well, so guess your dad is just going to have to keep on saying it, keep howling 'IT'S NOT THE MEAT, IT'S THE MOTION' desperately into the wind, your dad never quite the same since your mum left him for the personal trainer, just waiting now for science to catch up with a meat:motion paradigm of its own, wait for DrEd's next dick survey to bring the news that it's not in fact the meat, it is in fact the motion, the news he so desperately needs to move on.

@joelgolby

(Photo via yaybiscuits123)

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