Employees Of The Month

PATRICK DUNCAN

Patrick is one of a very rare breed of people who have sent us an unsolicited submission that’s actually fantastic. This happens like one in 1,000 cold calls at best. But Patrick’s shots of his 100-year-old, roller-skating, trumpet-playing granny are funny and cute and just, you know, all-around good photos. We don’t really know too much about Patrick, other than that he’s a talented photographer who enjoys painting his gram’s face like the Spaceman from Kiss. When asked for a bio, he wrote that he is a “professional expert” and “lifelong New Mexican,” who “pursues hobbies including basketball, laymen’s ballet, and gardening.” Hmm, it feels like he’s holding something back. Who are you

really

, mystery man? We may never know.

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IRMA’S WORLD

HENRY LANGSTON

This wee scamp came to our attention last spring when he showed up at the London office with photographs from demonstrations and mass brawls between the far-right English Defence League, the pro-jihad Islam4UK, and the socialist United Against Fascism movement. Since then he’s become our go-to guy for taking photographs in dangerous situations in Britain. This shot was taken a few minutes after Henry had dragged himself from under the feet of several riot police at the Parliament Square riots of December 10, one of the most anarchic public demonstrations in modern British history. Henry was kicked in the balls several times, and had also taken a bashing on the head from a truncheon.

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CAAAAAM ON THEN, YOU FAGGOT CUNTS

TIMUR CIVAN

Born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, Timur is a cinematographer and a photographer. His earliest memory is of a cop beating up a junkie and a hooker in a gold sequined dress, which may have something to do with his chosen career. Last year he completed four life goals and is going for the other six in 2011. He won’t tell us what they are, but we wish him luck anyway. For this issue Timur photographed consummate adman and

Esquire

cover designer George Lois. Things got a little awkward when Lois, the son of Greek immigrants, asked Timur if he was a Turk. But the tension was dissolved when Lois told a dirty joke that promptly ended the ball-busting session.

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GEORGE LOIS

Photo by Ray Bishir

HARRY CHEADLE

Last year we hired Harry as an intern based on his funny name alone. Lucky for us, he turned out to be one of the hardest-working young men in the internship business, and after a few months we brought him on as our editorial assistant. He hails from Seattle and attended Pratt Institute, where he edited the student magazine the

Prattler

. Now his days consist of “Harry, get us 200,000 ladybugs,” and “Harry, go research weird types of garbage and write something about it,” and “Harry, go fuck yourself.” He’s still working on the last one, but we’re confident it’ll only take him a few more weeks.

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HEY, THAT’S NOT GARBAGE

BOB ODENKIRK

Do we really have to tell you who Bob Odenkirk is? OK, fine. He wrote, produced, and starred in

Mr. Show with Bob and David

alongside David Cross. But that was a long time ago. Since then he’s done a million hilarious things (not to mention stealing the shit out of scenes on

Breaking Bad

), and he recently made a nonironic music video for Built to Spill’s “Hindsight.” Check it out, but be careful because it has GENUINE EMOTIONS in it. Beginning with this issue, Bob will be writing a column for us about subjects of his choosing. This month he sent us the Dalai Lama’s tour rider, which outlines the requirements for His Holiness’s appearance at the Axe Body Spray Amphitheatre.

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BOB ODENKIRK’S PAGE