This Weekend in The Premier League

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports UK.

Welcome back from the horrible nuisance that is any international football outside the World Cup and Euros. England beat Germany, England lost to Holland, we shrugged at the unrelenting pointlessness of it all and returned to worrying about the Premier League.

With domestic football back on the agenda, we're looking ahead to this weekend's action. Need a good reason to squander several hours of precious family time over the next few days? Here are five.

Owing to Leicester City's incredible story at the top, there are a whole host of Premier League teams going under the radar this season. Watford have had a superb campaign, Bournemouth likewise.

However, in terms of massive overachievement, it's getting harder and harder to look past West Ham.

Having climbed steadily up the table over the last few months, recording some massive results along the way, a win for the Hammers in this weekend's clash with free-falling Crystal Palace could see them jump into the top four. And, if Manchester City don't beat Bournemouth on their travels, Slaven Bilic and co. will have every chance of nicking their Champions League spot. They'll almost certainly crash out to an average Roma side in next year's qualifying round, but let's not grind their dreams to dust just yet.

The sky darkens over Newcastle's team bus, the clouds rolling above it like thick, black smoke. The acrid smell of sulphur fills the air. A jagged thunderbolt cleaves the heavens, as Rafa Benitez trembles in his hiding place under the driver's seat. The four horseman of the apocalypse have arrived, mounted on their demonic steeds.

Each of them wears a Norwich shirt. Their steeds are emblazoned with the Aviva Car Insurance logo.

Saturday is the day of reckoning for Newcastle. After several years of exploitative ownership, disastrous transfers, poor management and abject performances, a loss at Carrow Road this weekend would edge the Magpies perilously close to a second relegation since Mike Ashley bought the club.

This game is the Lord's judgement. Norwich are ready to execute his will.

Are Crystal Palace ever going to win a Premier League match again? They haven't tasted victory in the league since 19 December, suggesting the players might have lapsed into some form of collective amnesia and consequently forgotten the significance of wins, points and, you know, not dropping down into the Championship.

Either that, or Palace are making a one-club protest against competitive sport. Shouldn't we stop worrying about "winning", "points" and the like? Isn't winning just a concept, anyway? Deep down, isn't life all about the taking part, the experience? Can't we all be winners?

Unfortunately for the Eagles, the answer to all of those questions is: no, definitely not.

Arsenal host Watford at the Emirates on Saturday, in a rematch of their FA Cup quarter-final clash earlier this month. That can only mean one thing: at some point, we're going to see a thirtysomething man brandishing a homemade "Wenger Out" banner.

While memories of the Gunners' cup exit represent a convenient excuse for this behaviour, it's a phenomenon which goes well beyond one bad result. As it turns out, there's a certain breed of Arsenal fan who simply will not tolerate moderate levels of success. For them, moderate success is the ultimate affront – practically an incitement to civil disorder.

These fans are the Jarrow crusaders of modern football, desperate men who'll march hundreds of miles to protest the terrible deprivation of regular Champions League football. Above them sway a thousand bedsheets, a million laminated pieces of A4 paper, each bearing a wonky slogan scrawled in marker pen.

"Wenger Out".

When Sam Allardyce faces Tony Pulis, you know it's going to be one of the most thrilling fixtures of the season. Yes, the game itself will almost certainly end goalless with five or six yellow cards on each side, but the sight of two managerial titans on the sidelines – one violently chewing gum, the other screaming hysterically from under his trademark cap – is enough to rouse even the most jaded of football fans. Throw in a controversial incident or two – a sneaky elbow, perhaps, or an extremely marginal offside call – and the post-match press conferences will resemble a protracted slugging match in an ASDA car park.

Drop your shopping bags, lads. Things are about to get messy.

Nonetheless, Sunderland vs. West Brom would be an absolute certainty for last spot on Match of the Day – were it not for Stoke vs. Swansea. Considering that the two games kick off at the same time on Saturday afternoon, it's only right that they be simultaneously last. It'll be like split-screen multiplayer on GoldenEye 007, but with Chris Brunt in place of Alec Trevelyan and Glenn Whelan instead of James Bond.