If you were ever in need of a reason to stop smoking, how about this for aversion therapy.
It's a Saturday, you're at home. It's raining outside but you've got nothing to do apart from your council tax and a pile of washing before X Factor. You get out of bed around midday then go outside for a cigarette on the front step.
Grim, I know. I'm almost at the point of quitting already. Imagine though, as you sat on the porch and scrolled through the pictures from last night, an empty 123 bus pulled up right opposite you. Through the steamed-up window on the top deck, you could just about make out the shape of a man. At first he looks like he's wearing skin coloured trousers, but as you look closer, you realise, no, he is in fact naked from the waist down, and now you think about it the way he is moving has a suspicious rhythm.
Mohamud Mohamud and his brother Hamza were having a cigarette outside their house on Saturday when they saw the bus driver apparently pleasuring himself between two seats on the top deck of his 123. Mohamud told the Metro: "I was so shocked. I saw that he is almost naked on the top of the bus and could see him rocking forwards and backwards.
"At first I couldn't figure out what he was doing, but when I realised I got my phone out to start recording. There must be something on the seat in front of him, you could see his right hand reaching for something which is on the seat in front so I believe that was his mobile and we think he was watching porn."
Nice, what a lovely theory. I hope it turns out he was massaging his thigh or practising yoga, though it seems unlikely. A spokesperson for TfL told Metro the driver has been suspended while the incident is investigated, so keep your ears peeled for suspect explanations involving sports injuries or sleep-walking.
In the meantime, if seeing someone bring meaning to the term 'bus wanker' is what you're after, you can see Mohamud's video here. For everyone with more serene tastes, why not watch this video of Enya in concert and think about planning a different route home.
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