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There Is Now 'Fortnite' Porn if You Want to Masturbate to That

Called – wait for it – 'Fortnut.'

by Alex Norcia
30 July 2018, 8:30am

Photo via WoodRocket

From the same companies who ruined your favorite childhood TV shows and films with Strokémon, SpongeKnob SquareNuts, and—who could forget—Dick & Morty, comes a new porn parody on the only thing teenage boys like more than porn—Fortnite Battle Royale. In a new SFW trailer from WoodRocket and Pornhub, Fortnut, written by porn star April O'Neil, borrows the tropes and missions and goofy usernames from the absurdly popular video game.

"Hey, guys, Pussy Sparkles here!" a woman wearing a polka-dotted tank top and gigantic headphones says into a camera. "Tonight," she continues, "we're playing Fornut!"

Sure, it's a porno based on a third-person shooter game that's targeted mainly to horny 15-year-old boys, but Fortnite has seeped so far into the cultural consciousness that everyone—from men approaching 30 to the New Yorker's favorite dad to Drake—are obsessed with the thing, so maybe there's some level of justification to the project. After all, there are an estimated 125 million people worldwide who play the game. So if 125 million people love Fornite, I guess the logic follows, at least some of those 125 million people will love Fornite with fucking.

The minute-and-a-half trailer teases the kind of parody you'd expect from the folks who thought up the title Fortnut. Here's what you have (spoilers ahead!): O'Neill brandishes a gun with a big dick on the nozzle. Two piñatas hump each other. The players parachute into—you guessed it—Testicle Town. Everybody then promptly—and rapidly—hits one another in the head with dildos.

"Are we in a porn parody," porn star Tommy Pistol says to the viewer in the middle of the trailer, "or what?"

The whole thing is so over-the-top in its self-awareness that it's hard to even categorize what it is. Are we so far into postmodernism that even porn parodies based on video games have to acknowledge the frame?

In any case, you can catch the full NSFW version of Fortunt Friday, July 27, for free exclusively on WoodRocket and Pornhub, if that's something you're into.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.