Shelvey, Pato, Pol Lirola: Vice Sports UK Goals of the Week

Can you smell that, reader? Can you taste that pungent odour, wafting through the air? It's vaguely tinny, a tad metallic, with a hint of gunpowder and a tang of hot musk. It seeps into the nostrils, drifts through the olfactory system, and makes a permanent home in the cavity of the nose. It is an intense smell, a powerful aroma, a primal and compelling sensory call to arms. It is the fragrance of existence, the bouquet of life.

Huff it up with wild abandon, for it is the smell of some extremely good goals!

Btw! I can't understand why you are not talking about my fantastic assistance to Shelvey! pic.twitter.com/uwDSWMpJv3
— Ayoze Perez (@AyozePG) September 13, 2016

That's the preamble over with, then, and so to the first of our three best goals of the week. Scored by the conceptual lovechild of John Malkovich and Pinhead from Hellraiser (otherwise known as Jonjo Shelvey), it's a genuine Championship Goal of the Season contender, and better than anything we've seen so far in the Premier League. With Newcastle already 2-0 up against QPR at Loftus Road on Tuesday evening, Shelvey struck the decisive blow at the start of the second half.

Picking up the ball on the edge of the opposition box, Shelvey shaped to shoot from just over 20 yards. He looked to have overhit his effort but, just as it appeared to be sailing over the bar, it dipped wickedly and dropped from the sky. QPR keeper Alex Smithies dived to his left, but it was too late, far too late. The ball arced gracefully into the top corner, prompting absolute bedlam amongst the Newcastle fans behind the goal.

Having failed to make much of an impression at Chelsea last season, Alexandre Pato did at least earn himself a move to Villarreal over the summer. He's thriving in Castellón at the moment, and scored a goal to remember on his debut game in the Europa League. 'The Yellow Submarine' took on FC Zurich on Thursday evening, and their opponents nabbed a shock lead early on. Pato soon found at equaliser, however, and did so in quite spectacular fashion, too.

After some sharp, incisive passing in the midfield, Pato received the ball right in front of goal. His first touch almost saw it get away from him, but he clawed it back with an improvised backheel flick. Now far to the right of goal, the angle was narrowed, and it seemed the chance had passed him by. No matter, as he promptly smashed a dipping shot into the far side of the net. Eat that!

Though he was snatched up as a youth player by Juventus, Pol Lirola has had limited chances in Turin during his first year with the club. Accordingly, he's been loaned out to Sassuolo, where he's got off to a fast start. Considering that he's a right-back by trade, Sassuolo probably don't expect the 19-year-old to chip in with too many goals.

Expectations should be revised, judging by this magnificent solo strike against Athletic Bilbao. Lirola leaves the entire Bilbao back line for dead, before rolling a cool finish into the back of the net. Footballistic!