'Jizz In My Pants' Marked a Turning Point in Internet History

It is the 10th anniversary of The Lonely Island's very important anthem about cum.

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Dec 6 2018, 10:00am

On the 6th of December, 2008, The Lonely Island premiered "Jizz In My Pants" on Saturday Night Live. That same evening it was uploaded to their YouTube channel, where it instantly became one of the most viewed videos on the platform, quickly overtaking that OK GO one with the treadmills. As a result, "Jizz In My Pants" commanded airplay on national radio. So, for a time, it could be heard nestled conspicuously between the likes of Britney Spears' "Womanizer" and TI's "Live Your Life". Some stations wouldn’t allow the word “jizz” on air, however, as that is the devil’s talk. So instead they played a "clean" version in which the swear word (??) is replaced with the sounds of men ejaculating. It is currently certified gold in the US, Canada and Australia.

On the one hand, sure: it basically does what American Pie did a decade prior, set to a faux Timbaland beat. No further questions. On the other hand, "JIMP" – as we'll be referring to it from here on – accomplished things that many of its comedic predecessors did not. It even surpassed the achievements of their debut single "Dick in a Box", and that won an Emmy. Meditate on it a little deeper and you will find that this electrotrash parody of 2000s pop trends – complete with a video in which Andy Samberg can be seen doing cum faces in a variety of loudly patterned infinity scarves – marks a crucial turning point in internet history.

Let us discuss its merits.

It Confirmed YouTube Could Be a Home for More Than Stupid Viral Videos...

YouTube, now, is like one of those all-you-can-eat buffets you got Very Excited to visit when you were on your family holiday in 2005. You know the sort – a once warehouse, next to a motorway, a little too far from your villa, but you walk it anyway because "it’s such good value". You envisioned this shit-hole all day at the beach as well; even fasted on its behalf. You are just so fucking ready to eat.

But then, seven plates deep, belly rumbling, circled by tubs upon tubs of ice cream, some open, some not, you defeatedly admit: this is shit. All of this is shit. Every single version of every single cuisine is devastatingly bad. A Bermuda triangle of quality. It’s all slightly hard! And there seems to be gristle in my pineapple?

That’s YouTube now; so much selection, all of which is nauseating. Back in 2008, however, it was very different – it had a niche: stupid viral videos such as "Charlie Bit Me", "Chocolate Rain" and that kid practising Star Wars fights (the latter made it into Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 as an easter egg, which is a very noughty sentence). "JIMP", however, was the first real production that considered YouTube its home rather than an additional service.

...Thus Realising It’s Financial Potential, Paving the Way for Terrible Vloggers

It feels weird to say Andy Samberg singing about jizz altered the paradigm in which YouTube operated, enabling vloggers to build pseudo-empires off the back of unboxing mascara. But hey: that is the case. Before "JIMP", YouTube simply wasn’t home to things that cost more than a fiver to make. A better time, imo.

It Established a New Frontier for Toilet Humour

It’s very fair to think of "JIMP" as insignificant because those it catered to were so very that: insignificant. Virgins with unkempt hair for whom premature ejaculation is the height of comedy. The Lonely Island, however, added something new into the mix.

With a decade's worth of pop-punk songs about fucking a dog in the ass, MTV shows about men kicking each other in the nuts and hilariously hyper-sexualised music videos to reflect upon, The Lonely Island brought not just fond ribbing but a splash of innocence to the table.

They are princes of puerile who have made literally made millions singing about their dicks with a childish excitement that subverts the aggressive BOOBS LOL AMIRIGHT BOYS comedy that previously dominated pop culture. Instead, it presents a more wholesome style of comedy that transports its fans – be it for a short moment – to the blithe days of their adolescence while also taking the piss out of it. It's a sex joke, Jim, but not as we know it.

Without It, We Wouldn’t Have 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'

Brooklyn Nine-Nine mainly revolves around Andy Samberg’s aforementioned youthful exuberance. A fair amount of the jokes are him saying something to the effect of, "Hey guys! I eat cheeseburgers instead of broccoli and am in loads of debt!" and if anyone else in the world (Zach Braff) were to deliver those jokes, the show would be pretty shit (Scrubs). But it isn’t, and we have "JIMP" to thank for that, as it acted as a resurrection of sorts. The Lonely Island didn't originally intend for the skit to be aired on SNL, you see. However, encouragement from the cast and crew persuaded them to change their minds. The unprecedented success of "JIMP" confirmed that the world was ready for Andy Samberg to lead something funny that millions of people actually cared about. Hot Rod and Popstar discounted, because they were simply too ahead of their respective times.

It Effectively Ended An Entire Era of Chart Music

Timbaland's unmistakable production style defined 20 years worth of chart music, cresting spectacularly in the mid-2000s with a run of near-identical songs – "The Way I Are", "Promiscuous", "Give It To Me" – whose beats are so woozy they're the sonic equivalent to being sick down the stairs in Oceana after too many vodka jellies.

It is an epoch best described in retrospect as the Fucking Era, as that was what literally every single song was about. It was a time of steady thumping beats and selling sex in a way that was both so coded and so overt that it failed to resemble any sex as it exists in the world at all, and thus became sexless. It was a time of low rise jeans (I guess!), big sunglasses with suits (mystery!) and music videos with crime drama lighting (danger!).

"JIMP" took a glance at all of that and said, out loud, to the world: bit silly, this. They made a song and video so identical and well executed that no one dared touch the same vibe again, lest they appear to have a problem *cough* containing themselves. Thus, the era was brought to a close. For any stragglers still clinging on, the nail in the coffin arrived three years later when The Lonely Island returned with "I Just Had Sex" featuring actual Akon – a purveyor of the Fucking Era now readily turning on his own brand. Harmonious stuff.

It Was the Last Pre-Meme Meme

Do you remember jokes before memes? Like, when they actually made sense when you said them out loud and stuff? When you and your mates would have an in joke? Which you would have to exclude some other mates from? Like a hierarchy? Enforced by a bit of banter? Good, wasn’t it?

Before memes, the closest thing we had was quotes from films and TV (also probably cat emails saying "friyay" that your mum sent to Luke from accounting, but that’s a different argument for a different day). Examples include: Budweiser’s Wassup, or Star Wars' It’s A Trap. The very last one was "Jizz In My Pants", then memes ruined jokes forever.

Finally, a Question: Is That Eminem at the End?

Eminem has a carefully curated public image, and an element of that is hating jokes. That said, I have a three-part theory that it is in fact actual Eminem singing at the end of "JIMP", not just an impression of Eminem, which I will present below and allow you to assemble for yourself:

Exhibit a) Bruno: Eminem is in Bruno, selling a joke wherein a jockstrap-clad Sacha Baron Cohen lands face down in his lap at the MTV Movie Awards 2009. It is presented as if he’s being pranked, not the prankee. It only took a few weeks before Eminem admitted involvement by saying, "I agreed to get involved with the gag."

Exhibit b) "JIMP": I think that is Eminem singing during the last minute the song. I am sure it is Eminem. And yet it isn’t documented anywhere, which it should be, as he famously hates people thinking he loves jokes.

Exhibit c) Andy Samberg hosted the the MTV Movie Awards 2009.

@HiMyNameIsKier

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