The Most Arsenal Of Anniversaries: Reviewing Burnley vs. Arsenal

Before we write anything about their respective football teams, it should be said that Arsene Wenger and Sean Dyche are diametrically opposed human beings. Wenger is a suave, sophisticated economics graduate who gets invited to debonair fashion shoots and high-society soirées, while Dyche looks like he probably has a best mate called 'Baz' and that his idea of the perfect night is going to get a chicken jalfrezi with the lads before necking seven pints of Ruddles Best. Wenger looks like he eats the recommended daily serving of muesli for breakfast while perusing Philosophy Now magazine, while Dyche could probably polish off a carton of eggs in one sitting like some sort of ravenous, ginger pine marten while flicking through the Sunday Sport. Wenger wanders around art galleries in his spare time, while Dyche watches repeats of Road Wars and sands the skirting boards. Taken together, side by side, they represent the Janus-like duality of man.

Though they may have antithetical characters, neither man is superior to the other. Wenger might know his macroeconomics from his microeconomics, but he wouldn't know where to find the drill bits at B&Q. Wenger might have a comprehensive understanding of Capital In The 21st Century, but he wouldn't have a fucking clue what to do if the toilet wasn't flushing properly. Sean Dyche was born with an encyclopedic knowledge of power tools and float valves, and could fix some faulty plumbing with his hands tied behind his back. There is a perfect balance between them, the golden ratio for human incongruity. Wenger and Dyche are heads and tails, black and white, night and day, urbane Frenchman and goatee-wearing bald bloke from Kettering.

When Arsenal turned out at Turf Moor on Sunday, the duality between the two men was never more apparent. Wenger is embodied in his team's free-flowing, aesthetically excellent football, while Burnley are an extension of Dyche in their physical hardiness and common-sense approach to the game. Though Wenger's side narrowly won out in the end, he had to admit they were lucky to take all three points, having been matched by their opponents for large periods of the match. Even in their post-match press conferences, the two men were oppositional. While Wenger delivered his summary of the match in the wry, semi-flirtatious tone he saves for near-victories, Dyche sounded even more gravelly than usual, like he was speaking through the other side of cement mixer filled with grouting, raw house coal and three week's worth of dried-out Richmond Superking filters.

WATCH: Sean Dyche has challenged his players to prove Burnley belong in the Premier League: https://t.co/N0c2nsrtK0 https://t.co/UY0Cs8KGvT
— Sky Football ⚽️ (@SkyFootball) October 2, 2016

Though Arsenal were doubtlessly fortunate to win the match, the manner of their victory was perfect in the circumstances. The game marked Arsene Wenger's twentieth year as manager and, as is only fitting, it was a nail-biting anxiety fest from start to finish. There is surely no better way to commemorate two decades of Wenger than with a desperate, last-gasp 1-0 win over a no-nonsense team from post-industrial Lancashire. 20 more years of the same, please. We won't survive the stress of it but, still, 20 more years.