"I wouldn't sleep with my dealer if she was selling me crack."
Dogs are man's best friend. Isn't that what we're looking for in relationships?
"Well, apparently I may have stolen her engagement ring."
"Well, it wasn't like a full poop. Okay, it was."
"Money is essentially just a digit, a number made up to control."
You're born, you get old, your body turns to shit, you die. Booooring.
Has cereal been soup THIS WHOLE TIME?
How do the American people feel about porn stars' wrapped-up dicks?
And when will it all be over?
Or have you turned your dog into your personal therapist for nothing?
We figured he'd be the perfect celebrity to answer a few questions from our Question of the Day series.
High finance, big tobacco or prostitution?