From the perspective of a disdainful bartender.
Here's some aggressively pop music from massive US songwriter Jon Bellion featuring the UK's one and only, Mr Merky.
In his pomp, Ronaldo was a striker sent from heaven. His career took a steep downward trajectory, however, and he bowed out of football as a mortal much like the rest of us.
It's the title track and opener of his upcoming record out April 29.
He doesn't mind being called the "black Whit Stillman".