Face it: The main problem with the Premier League today is the fans.
For a start, they could talk to each other in real life and make some proper demands.
Mrs Brown's Boys? Downton Abbey? Seriously?
Because a miserable existence and an early grave aren't all they're cracked up to be.
There are already enough terrible bands in the world.
Don't become a caricature and avoid post-pubescent Disney fans.
Besides smashing up your computer, here are a few ways to avoid being spied on.
Play our cards right and we might just make it through the year without World War 3.
They could start by ignoring the homophobic, bigoted dinosaurs in their closet.
They could start by showing some balls.
Get rid of the Victoriana freaks, find a new New Aesthetic and if you're gonna sell out, get your money's worth.
Dancing in a dark room with strangers is too important to suck.