Volume 13 Issue 3

3.1.06

Fuck Food

When I was in junior high, I stuck a hot dog up my vagina. It broke in half while it was up there.

3.1.06

Eating Their Words

When you're the eight-foot tall singer in the Liars with a tendency towards manic on-stage behaviour, you tend to burn a lot of energy and get really hungry.

3.1.06

Braised Puppy With Assorted Greens

OK, let’s get this out of the way: It’s illegal to kill, cook, and serve dogs—even in Hong Kong, capital of “exotic” cuisines of the world. Recently California even passed a law that makes it illegal to prepare, sell, and serve foie gras, the national...

3.1.06

Whose Farts Smell Worse?

We hired a male model from the internet and got two girls who work in porn to fart on his face twice. They did this once while wearing jeans and once while wearing skimpy porno underwear.

3.1.06

Thin Chicks

Not all girls that have anorexia or bulimia look like a stick figure with the faintest ghosts of tits. Some of them just look a bit skinny and act kind of squirrelly.

3.1.06

Soup Kitchen Reviews

To me, the homeless scene is an easy way out for some people. To be honest, a lot of people that you see around us right now, if you came back in five years, they’d still be here. If you get free food you squander what little money you’ve got on...

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3.1.06

Records

It’s called snap music and it’s the new Casio craze out of Atlanta. The beats are retarded, the lyrics are ridiculous, the song topics range from laffy taffy to white t-shirts and I love every minute of it.

3.1.06

Trashpickin'

Back when I was the only poor kid at a rich school, I would spend my midday breaks looking for the pricey cookies other kids had left lying around the huge athletic stadium.

3.1.06

Gross Jar

A little over a year ago, we ran an article in which we pitted a friend of ours against some cockroaches (it ended with several of their heads in his mouth-remember?).

3.1.06

Coffee And Doughnuts

Grabbing lunch every day on a cop’s salary (STARTS at $34,970) is not easy, especially in New York City. Remember all those transit workers who went on strike? Half of them make more than us. And no, we don’t eat for free.

3.1.06

Ass Worship 8

See that brunette in the upper left named Lanny Barbie? She bares a striking resemblance to a friend of mine named Sarah from Maui. I think it might be the eyes. My wife will probably disagree with me. She always does when it comes to me pointing out...

3.1.06

Sardinian Cheese

You don't know from cheese until you get on a plane, fly over to Sardinia, and eat this su gallu stuff. So what if it's illegal? Honestly, who the fuck are you, Mr. European-Union-World-Police-Guy, to tell me what I can or can't eat?

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