At the beginning of this year, we reported some very important news: A man with a revolutionary bionic penis was about to lose his virginity. Mohammed Abad, a 44-year-old security guard from Edinburgh, was left without a working penis after being dragged under a car as a child. Making do with a rudimentary fleshy tube for the best part of four decades, he finally underwent surgery in 2012 to have a $100,000 prosthetic penis fitted, which he could pump up via a button hidden on one of his testicles.
By January of this year, Abad's new junk was finally ready to go. He didn't go into a huge amount of technical detail in his interview with the Sun, but presumably, you have to give new genitalia a couple of years to "take." Either way, he said, the eight-inch bionic penis contains two tubes that fill up with liquid from his stomach after he presses his testicle button, and the shaft is moulded out of flesh from his arm.
"I got out of hospital and got a train back up to Scotland. I had to keep it erect for two weeks," he said on This Morning. "I had to do that for it to heal, because that's the way it works. My old penis didn't go to waste—my surgeon used it to make my scrotum."
Excited and eager to use his new equipment, he told reporters in January, "I have waited long enough for this—it'll be a great start to the new year. My penis is working perfectly now, so I just want to do it. I'm really excited. I can't wait for it to finally happen."
Tragically, less than a week later, the plan had to be pushed back. Abad was involved in a car crash, scuppering his plans to belatedly get laid for the first time ever, and—you'd imagine—making him really fucking hate cars. A friend told the Sun, "After everything he's been through, this is the last thing he needs. Luckily, the middle of his body was fine."
Almost three months later, Abad was ready to get back to it. Political candidate and winner of the 2013 Sex Worker of the Year award, Charlotte Rose, got in touch with him when she'd heard about his plight and had offered to assist him by helping him to lose his virginity.
"I wanted someone who was willing to accept me the way I was," said Abad. "I'm a learner. I've got L plates. I didn't want to go in all guns blazing and make an idiot of myself."
The pair was supposed to hook up before Abad's car crash, so they reconnected sometime earlier this month and spent a couple of days getting to know each other in a London hotel, before finally attempting the main event. Unfortunately, on the first night, the testicle pump didn't work and Abad's penis failed to inflate. The next evening, however, everything went according to plan.
"When Charlotte saw it for the first time, she was silent, and I was a bit worried," said Abad. "But then she said, 'It's incredible.' It's nice to hear a lady say that. After it was over, I lay there with a big smile on my face."
Rose—who helped Abad out for free, despite her usual rate of $230 per hour—told the Sun, "In the end, he lasted for an hour and three quarters." She said she was honored to be asked, "because your first time is a memory in your life you never forget."
Abad still has one testicle, meaning he can produce sperm and, if he wants to, father children.
"I've got an outpatient appointment on October 1, when my doctor is going to discuss what he's going to do in future," he said to Phillip Schofield on This Morning. "But he knows what my testosterone levels are—he knows what my sperm count is. It's probably better than yours."