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Sports

Two Golden Retrievers Drowsily Competing For One Tennis Ball Is Sports

The world is bigger than the individuated ones we inhabit in our individuated ways. Not just bigger in a beyond-the-last-stop-on-the-train or over-the-horizon sense, but bigger experientially, stranger and more vast than we could possibly know. It's not just that there are things we have not seen and do not understand, although there are a great many of those. It's that there are also things we don't know enough about to understand how little we understand them; an incomprehension beyond incomprehension. Anyway, all that Rumsfeldian explanation aside, you already know this if you have watched the video above.

If you do not have twelve seconds to spare, I will tell you what is in it. The video, shot in one of those YouTube houses where there are always between three and seven full-grown dogs just kind of wandering around, depicts two Golden Retrievers. Their jaws are clamped in mush-nosed, opaquely reasoned, prototypically doggish stalemate on one tennis ball. It is unclear why they are doing it, of course, beyond They Are Dogs; this is likely the best explanation we're ever going to get. They are not really fighting for the tennis ball so much as they are kind of placidly enjoying their respective halves of it. If you want it to be, it's the staredown before the silliest heavyweight title bout that could ever be. If you want it to be something else, it is a piece of contemporary dance composed by a pair of extremely furry choreographers.

Depending on how you see it, the entrance and eventual muzzle-blessing of the third dog is either a referee encouraging the two title contenders to have a good, clean fight or a third dancer who completes the piece by complicating and exploding the duet. Either way, the challenge in that third Golden's goofy gaze is plain, clear, and devastating. "How," that dog says, "can you not think that what is happening here is sports, when there is a tennis ball just right there in the middle of it?"

There is no answer for this but to bow to its insistence. What happens in this video is sports because it reminds us of the giddy incomprehension and delirious startlement that sports gives us when we see something new. It is sports because there is a tennis ball involved and tennis is a sport. It is sports because the dogs are good. People, it is sports.