Randy Edsall Goes to the Movies, Messes Everything Up

As some posters on @Maryland247 pointed out, Edsall seemed to misinterpret Forrest Gump's quote pic.twitter.com/FskliNfPJH
— Josh Stirn (@Josh_Stirn) September 29, 2015

So, just so we are all on the same page, this is not at all what "life is like a box of chocolates" means. I mean, sure, chocolates are delicious, so it is true that life is hard and thus not delicious like a box of chocolates, but that is not the point of Momma Gump's words of wisdom. We know this because the very next line explains exactly why life is like a box of chocolates: "you never know what you're gonna get." It is quite possibly the most easily recognizable and understood saying in all of film and it follows a very linear proposition-explanation formula.

Life is full of surprises. Like a box of chocolates. Life is hard, like understanding movie quotes for Randy Edsall. But just how hard? As it turns out, very. we came across some other thoughts and observations on film from coach Edsall and it was all pretty damning.

GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS: "This is a big one for me, and we try to emulate the ABC's here. Always be courteous."

STAR WARS: "We had a guy come back real early from injury—like almost too early. it was crazy. And I told him, I said to the kid 'you're blowing my mind right now, kid.' I said 'it's a lot like learning you are a medical miracle and actually have two dads. Like when Darth Vader says "No, I am your father" to Luke.'" Never saw that coming in a million years.

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN: "I think this movie is about how great America is."

AVATAR: "Little blue freaks getting in the way of prosperity."

SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: "The best way to get through a tough situation is a little change in perspective."

WOLF OF WALL STREET: "It's just like what I always tell my guys, a little healthy ambition is never a bad thing."

JURASSIC PARK: "Animals can only see movement. That's our offensive philosophy."

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: "Not gonna lie, I just like Depp."

ROCKY: "You're nothing until Burgess Meredith yells at you. Tried to get him in here to speak to the kids, but he's dead."

DR. STRANGELOVE: "We must protect our home field advantage at all costs."

LEGENDS OF THE FALL: "I just saw this film and we are changing our mascot to the Bears because you do not want to fuck with Bears."

THE SIXTH SENSE: "If you believe in magic, anything can happen. Even Mischa Barton's career."

THE WIZARD OF OZ: "Marijuana gets you a one-game suspension here."

GONE WITH THE WIND: "You don't give a damn? Your house burns down. YOU'RE ONLY AS STRONG AS YOUR WEAKEST LINK."

BRAZIL: "Acid gets you a two-game suspension here."

THELMA AND LOUISE: "If you have a best friend and commit crimes together, you will never die."

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: "Who you are on the field is who you are in the film room. Never forget that."

LINCOLN: "I use this with my kids now because I finally got that old saying 'Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?' You see, basically, the Civil War was still going on then, even though the South had just surrendered. Tough to enjoy anything, no matter how good it was, when your house is still divided."

4 MONTHS, 3 WEEKS, 2 DAYS: "A nuanced and touching critique of gender norms in this sobering Romanian New Wave masterpiece."