It's a poll that asks consumers across the world—anyone with an internet connection, really—what the world's "very best chocolate bar" is. The only rule here is that the chocolate must come in bar form. "No cups, eggs, bits, balls, pieces, or patties," say the stipulations. The results have been tabulated after nearly 100,000 votes, and, ugh, I hate them.
What somehow, inexplicably, rose to the top? Why, it’s the Kit Kat, that insubstantial milk chocolate-covered wafers.
You’ve got to be kidding me. Please “give me a break,” to borrow a turn of phrase from the marketing campaign for a chocolate bar that is definitely not the best in the world!
After a few minutes of scrolling up and down the list in utter disbelief, I’ve decided that the world is incorrect. If you’d allow me to stake a contrarian position here, to play the devil’s advocate and position myself against the rather baffling consensus reached by the entire world, I’d like to posit that the Kit Kat is not the best chocolate bar one can buy. No. I conclude that the world’s tastebuds lack sophistication and rigor. The world has an unrefined palate, if you will.
The Kit Kat, as a confection, has little moisture and even less substance. Don’t be fooled by the ever-expanding variety of flavors you can find in Japan. The Kit Kat is inconsequential. Did I have a Kit Kat today? There's no possible way I could remember. What’s the point of a Kit Kat? I couldn’t tell you. You may as well swallow air.
The Kit Kat is trailed on the list by Twix, another chewy biscuit ensconced in viscous milk chocolate, followed by Snickers, Milky Way, and the classic Hershey Bar. All fine choices.
But you'll have to scroll down to number 13 before you’ll encounter the real winner in my book, which is Hershey's Cookies ‘n’ Creme. Mmm. Delicious. Please feed me that slab of off-white cream with granules of chocolate cookie crunch while I’m on my deathbed.
Oh, what’s that? White chocolate “isn’t chocolate,” you say? Fight me.