In the intersection of kitchen witchery and kink, magical women are brewing balms, ointments, potions, and lotions, which they bring into the bedroom for BDSM purposes and in lieu of mainstream oils and lubes. While Judeo-Christian traditions carry shame around sex, pagan traditions celebrate it, as many view sexuality and spirituality as one of the same.
"Sexual intimacy can be used as a ritual representation of the fertility of Earth and Goddess when celebrating the cycles of seasons; as a spontaneous reaction to psychic energy either during ritual, meditation, or spell work; or a consenting form of kink as energy play between two or more people," says Arwen, a 23-year-old Neo-Druid from Orange, California.
Considering the overlap between sexuality and spirituality, it makes sense that self-identified witches are combining nature with their sex lives. "My work with salves is a big part of my life," says Gg Irkalla, a 29-year-old artist from Olympia, Washington. "A few years ago, I was part of a sacred whore temple wherein there were bowls of coconut oil. It's terrible for toys and condoms, but amazing for everything else—especially massages, healing work, and skin health." She defines witchcraft as "not tidy maypole ceremonies in someone's backyard in the suburbs, while Enya plays timidly in the background. It's hashish, opium, Adderall, cocaine, anal sex, BDSM, sex work, sorcery, ordeal, and holy rage."
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Stepping outside of the magical lens, kinky people use plants through figging, the act of placing of piece of ginger in an orifice. "[Figging is] often used in D/S [dominance and submission] dynamics and as part of other aspects of intense sensation play, as it creates burning sensation," explains Dr. Michael Aaron, a NYC-based sex therapist and author of the upcoming book Modern Sexuality. "Some folks' fetish involves molding it into butt plug shape; it's important to have some form of handle to retrieve it." (He advises keeping figging confined to ass play due to the vagina's particular pH balance.)
When using any essential oil that can cause burning sensations, it's important to dilute the oil to prevent skin damage. "You definitely need some sort of carrier oil. It could be a sweet almond oil, or a fractionated coconut oil, whatever kind of scent draws you in. There are good things like sesame oil, grape seed oil, wheat germ oil—the list goes on," says Sheeba, a 31-year-old energy healer from Portland, Oregon.
While drugstore brands such as KY sell warming oils, many women are more interested in a natural and homemade concoction. Sheeba recommends cinnamon oil, which creates a burning sensation and holds an association with the goddesses Venus and Aphrodite. In her own BDSM scenes, Sheeba often uses thieves oil, a blend of clove, lemon, rosemary, cinnamon, and eucalyptus, as part of CBT, a.k.a. cock and ball torture.
"We used thieves oil on the top of [one of my sex partners'] penis and around the head. I have this really mean clip that fit all the way around the tip of his penis," Sheeba says. "Some of where his extreme pleasure comes from was from that extra sensitivity from the oils and that constriction."
For cooling oils to soothe oneself after BDSM play, Arwen enjoys a concoction of Calendula, a healing oil associated with love, blended with olive oil for both aftercare and massage. "Steeping Calendula in olive oil in the light of the sun imbues the chemical compounds and energy of the plant to create a healing oil to anoint during ritual or to soothe the body after impact play," Arwen explains to Broadly.
Other magical women, such as crystal healer Katie Manzella, turn to aloe, coconut, and CBD oil for sex. "When I make love, I find the aloe vera plant to serve as a wonderful way to enhance the experience. Usually I don't need its assistance, but it's always fun to work with plants to make life more magical and healthy," Manzella says. "Coconut and CBD oil is wonderful too!"
Lube has other important mystical uses as well: It's important to remember it when integrating stone magic into your sex life. Vanessa Cuccia, the creator of Chakrubs, a line of sexual wellness products made from 100 percent mother crystal, recommends using coconut oil when using a rose quartz dildo. "Especially when somebody is making it themselves, I think that makes it more special," Cuccia says. "When you're making it yourself—that work that's going into it, that you're going to appreciate so much more."
Coconut oil comes with one downside, however. As Irkalla mentioned, the oil is not latex friendly. If you're looking for an organic lube to use with condoms, stick with something like Good Clean Love.
Simply creating your own massage oil or BDSM tool from plant ingredients found in your home can make you feel like a crafty kitchen witch, but the true magic is the power and healing that takes place when sex and spirituality meet. "Whatever you are doing can be seen as spiritual no matter how kinky it is, as long as you're understanding that what you are doing is sacred," Cuccia says.
When consulting with clients interested in Chakrubs, she will work individually to find the right crystal catered to individual healing. "Bodies carry a lot of hurt, trauma, and loneliness," Irkalla says. "Sacred sex is a vital tool for addressing these issues."