On December 17, a soulless human dumped a sweet white Staffordshire bull terrier named Snoop on the side of the road in Stoke-on-Trent, England. Footage of this heinous affront to good dogs everywhere was captured on CCTV, released by the RSPCA around Christmas, and quickly went viral.
The sad saga caught the attention of the OG Snoop, Snoop Dogg the rapper, who offered to adopt the pupper, inviting him to live out his doggy days at “Casa De Snoop.” But distressingly, the RSPCA doesn’t seem interested in Snoop’s generous offer.
A representative told PEOPLE that Snoop the dog is currently staying at “private kennels” and is not up for adoption while the charity investigates his abandonment, but has had “scores of people wanting to rehome him so we are certain he will not be waiting long for a new home.”
Frankly, this is an affront to the positive energy with which I’d hoped to begin the new calendar year. If a down-on-his-luck dog named Snoop can't be adopted by a wealthy, kind man like Snoop Dogg, what hope is there for the rest of 2019? How will we accumulate enough good karma to expunge the bad memories of 2018, and 2017, and 2016, until we’re back in the good old days when we had a president with a sense of humor and spirit of human decency?
Here is an exhaustive list of all the reasons the RSPCA ought to let Snoop Dogg adopt Snoop the dog, becoming the Zaddy Warbucks to his Doggy Orphan Annie:
- This dog will want for naught. Imagine how much space there is at Casa De Snoop for Snoop the dog to run around doing doggy stuff all day. Snoop Dogg the man is worth about $135 million—plenty rich to supply a pupper with a never ending supply of bones and fancy dog beds for the rest of his days.
- He’ll have other doggy friends. Snoop Dogg already has one dog, a French bulldog named Juelz Broadus given to him by Wiz Khalifa as a birthday present. And according to Juelz’s Instagram, this pup lives a pretty cushy life, tooling around LA in Louis Vuitton luggage and cuddling scantily clad dancers on set.
- He’ll get pampered by Martha Stewart. She and Snoop Dogg have been friends for a decade and have a cooking show together on VH1. They could bake really gourmet bones for Snoop the dog and his new brother Juelz.
- Snoop² would make great entertainment. Picture a buddy comedy starring Snoop Dogg, his dog Snoop, 2Chainz, and his dog Trappy. It’d be like Peanuts for 2019.
We, the dog lovers of the internet, can only hope the RSPCA does the right thing and allows two kindred Snoops to become a family. It’d be the ultimate cosmic justice. The wayward soul who dumped Snoop on the side of the road will have ultimately done a good thing by being the impetus for a beautiful canine friendship.
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