The Reverend Shaw Moore is an occasional contributor to VICE Sports's dance coverage. You can find more of his work here.
Once, not so long ago and then once again much more recently (and handsomely), I gave a sermon to my faithful congregation on the evils of dance. "If the Lord wasn't testing us," I said, "how would you account for the proliferation these days of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality?"
It appears that since, a hip hop has emerged and ignited the loins of our youths, causing them to undulate against their better judgement. One such dance fiend is a wide receiver in the National Football League by the name of Odell Beckham Jr. His is a sinful dance, with no regard of his health and wellness. Whatever happened to the days that we were decent? The days of the waltz? The days when football players played football and dancers consigned their souls to fire? I pray for them and I pray for you.
Mr. Jr. was recently spotted at a nightly club in the Meatpacking District of Manhattan—where I'm sure all kinds of lurid pack-meating decisions are made—getting into a dance scuffle with a fellow athlete by the name of Russell Westbrook. This is what the New York Post tells us. These two perverse men engaged in a battle of sorts, all the while Beckham tended to an afflicted ankle—which kept him from going to work, for all that is holy!—which is owned by the League, the people, and God. Has he no regards for the high holy institutions of medicine and the National Football League? How dare he.
According to one witness, who told the Post of the evening's horrors,
"Said a witness, 'There were a bunch of models like Taylor Hill on one side and Teyana Taylor and her husband, Iman Shumpert, on the other side cheering them on.' Also there was David Blaine, who did card tricks for guests."
Never, under any circumstances, should anyone ever feel the need to cut loose. And may God have mercy on the soul of any man, especially an NFL player, who kicks off his Sunday shoes.