All the Possible Iterations of a Cardi B and Beyoncé Collab

Those committed to trawling Insta Stories and Snapchat for insider info will already know. For the rest of you, let's get into it. On Sunday, Cardi B's engineer Michael Ashby shared a photo of a track waveform on a screen, with 'Cardi B' and 'Beyoncé' in the title on Instagram. For good measure, maybe as a favour to those who struggle to read, he also added the eyeball emojis – that's how you add intrigue:

We do know that the two artists met each other back in September (of the encounter, Cardi wrote on Instagram: "BITCH I met Beyoncé Bitch !!!!!!!!!!!!" which is the sensible response, really). Given Cardi's considerably fast rise, Beyoncé – known for championing other talented women – may well have extended the offer of a joint track, potentially for Cardi's upcoming debut album (side note: imagine the extreme flex of putting Beyoncé on your record as a feature). But what would such a collaboration between two musical and cultural behemoths sound like?

Beyoncé enjoys tapping up-and-comers for new music (recent-ish collabs have included Frank Ocean and UK producer Naughty Boy), and as a mum, she also loves positivity and inspirational sayings. So it's a possibility that we might get something like "Superpower" or "Runnin'" from a Cardi x Beyoncé joint, but I hope we don't because those songs are boring and Cardi B's frenetic energy would be lost on them.

Please no. Yes it's 2017 and it's illegal to make a pop song without a drop, and Cardi and Beyoncé would make the best of it, but the sooner we can acknowledge that these artists – and basically all artists – are better than something that sounds like everything else you'd hear at 1.30AM in a club at the end of a Midlands high street, the easier it will be for everyone.

Capitalising on Cardi's half-Dominican heritage and Beyoncé's longterm relationship with Latin music, this could actually be amazing. It'd be particularly savvy this year following the mainstream success of "Despacito," though the major labels have already been pumping out their imitation versions to capitalise on the #mood. That being said, imagine Beyoncé and Cardi B on a bachata beat. Think of the choreography! I need a nap.

Rapper Beyoncé is probably the best Beyoncé (if you don't think "Yoncé" and "Flawless (Remix)" are two of the best songs your ears have ever been graced by then unfortunately you and I are fundamentally different humans), so any opportunity for her to make an appearance is a treat. And this feels like a prime occasion. Beyoncé and Cardi B trading bars and wearing sunglasses and pink fur has just become a closely held personal fantasy of mine.

This, truly, is the Big Dream. What this decade has been missing is a "Lady Marmalade"-esque legends-only track featuring women from across the hip-hop spectrum – and if any two people can heal the rift between Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim, surely they are Beyoncé and Cardi B? Envisaging this as basically "Ladies Night" on steroids, with career-best verses from everyone and an extremely expensive and on-the-nose music video with power suits and shoulder pads set in a boardroom or something.

I could do this all day. Label execs, as always, hit me up – my fees are reasonable.

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