It's Thursday, February 7, and a Start-Up "Fixed" Coffee by Getting Rid of the Beans

Plus, for fans of actual coffee, this Malört latte is the most Chicago way to start your day.
February 7, 2019, 5:04pm
coffee beans
Composite Image: Getty Images/
Yevgen Romanenko // Emojipedia 

W__elcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.

News

Not News

At the parade to celebrate the Red Sox' World Series win in the fall, fans (lovingly?) chucked cans of beers at the players as they rode triumphantly by on the classic Beantown duck boats. Fearing that the city would get similarly amped up about yet another championship, Mayor Walsh requested ahead of the Patriots parade this week that people not do that. “Do not throw things. Do not throw beers, do not throw anything at those boats,” he said on Monday. And yet, it remains firmly Not News that Rob Gronkowski got hit in the head with a beer can thrown at his duck boat during the parade because, c'mon, what did Walsh (and Gronk) expect?

Something Nice

Cookie Monster took to Reddit yesterday (just go with it) to invite people to enter a contest to eat cookies with him on the Sesame Street set, and to answer pressing questions from his public. The results were a spot of unadulterated joy in this shitstorm of a world.

Buy This Bucket

via Amazon.com

I live in a two-person household and still think this five-pound jar of Skippy peanut butter actually makes so much sense.