PORN FOR THE BLIND

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Aug 18 2010, 9:00am

Disappointment has always been my greatest inspiration. When the contents of life are underwhelming, I take it as a personal call to arms to get off of my ass and make that shit better. I was just made aware of a website called Porn for the Blind and was pretty excited about visiting it. Until I visited it. First, their mission is "to produce audio descriptions of all the world's pornographic website preview videos." Wait a minute. All pornographic preview videos? Yeah RIGHT! How about some? There, much less daunting.

Here's the type of stuff you'll see on their homepage:

They also invite the viewer to lend a hand and contribute recordings of their own to help out with their mission. But check out their sucky instructions for recording your own description. This is what you're supposed to say:

Porn for the Blind presents [website name].
This is a [clip length] preview clip located at [full URL including "HTTP colon slash slash"].
[brief description of the webpage]
OK, we're starting the clip.
[description of the clip using only proper anatomical language: male, female, penis, vagina, breasts, etc.]
This has been a Porn for the Blind presentation of [website name]. This was a [clip length] preview clip located at [full URL including "HTTP colon slash slash"]. Porn for the Blind is a nonprofit organization based in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Now, I am assuming this site is to be a destination for blind people with hard-ons (or wide-ons) to go and have a tug or a diddle so they can get that shit out of their system and proceed with their day. But what is this shit about using only proper anatomical language? I'm not blind, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I doubt anyone, blind or not, is going to shoot or gush after hearing some 7th grade biology class talk about penises and vaginas and ani and breasts and testes. Despite having first hit "da news" two years ago, there are only like a hundred recordings on the site so far and some of them are throwaways. One of the bytes I listened to is just someone whistling. Another is of a man screaming the word VAGINA!! It was a boring Sunday night at my desk and I was excited to lend a hand to these guys and add a few descriptions myself, but I couldn't get their stupid microphone to work. Maybe you guys can? Being blind (like being alive) has to get pretty frustrating sometimes, and the best cure for frustration is masturbation (why they rhyme). Take a few minutes and record one of your own. Sure, it feels good to jerk off. But it feels even better to help someone else do it.

PS: So far, all of the clips described (and the few sites they mention on the site) are all hetero. I'm pretty sure that some blind people are gay, so someone please review a gay clip or two.

GIANCARLO DITRAPANO

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