Report: Homes in Australia Got Even Less Affordable in 2014

The prospect of owning a home and property has always been an intrinsic, essential part of the modern, middle-class dream. It's an aspirational necessity built into the psyche, with mortgage bills considered as common as those for electricity, water and gas.

But for the generation now facing adulthood, owning a house seems to be an increasingly impossible dream. Unless you're buying up in Perth — the one city that appears to be immune to cost rises — it's about to get even harder.

According to the 2015 Global Housing and Mortgage Outlook report by global agency Fitch Ratings, Australia is approaching an "affordability ceiling", in the sense that the ceiling is the only part of the house you'll be able to afford.

In 2014, housing prices rose by 7 percent. In 2015, they're projected to rise by 4 percent. Although this represents a slight cooling of the market, don't expect it to actually go backwards and meet us halfway. It's still accelerating away from us, just at a slightly less-speedy pace. That means we get to glimpse the fading tail lights for a little longer than we thought this time last year. Silver linings.

The report compares housing prices against national income averages, and, on average, our incomes are in no danger of matching this growth. The disparity between the cost of living and average incomes will continue to grow, putting the prospect of house ownership out of most Australian's reach. Remember this next time a politician uses the word "growth" as a generally-positive term without providing any real context.

Consequently, first home buyers join the ranks of the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and Clint Eastwood's filmmaking acumen as mythical beings that may or may not have once existed. They have now been all but priced out of the market, dropping to an all-time low of 11.8 percent of the property market in 2014.

Fitch notes that Australia's price growth has outstripped that of every other nation, at nearly 390 percent since 1997. If your employer has given you this sort of raise over the past eighteen years, then this should seem fine. Everyone else: panic.

But don't panic, because we've come up with five options for those pessimistic about their chances of ever owning a home.

1. Rent until you die

If you suddenly decide to go on an international journey of self-discovery like Ben Stiller does in his Serious Films, you won't be beholden to some big bank demanding monthly repayments until the rest of time. You can, depending on your much-more-flexible rental contract, just pick up and go. And what's the trade-off? You don't get to put a nail in a wall? Nails are overrated. Walls even more so.

Downside: excess of nails.

2. Live in Perth

I know, I know, but desperate times and all that. This is the year that the mining boom finally tapers off, and property prices are about to get very attractive. Worried you'll be away from family and friends? Thanks to social networks, most socialising takes place online anyway. Worried about missing out on culture? Internet again. Food? I'm pretty sure Menulog allows restaurants in Sydney and Melbourne to deliver to the other side of the country. Not entirely sure how it works, but that sounds plausible.

Downside: living in Perth.

3. Move further inland from your capital city of preference

Our urban sprawl is ridiculously concentrated on the coasts, and not even all of the coasts. We picked three or four nice-looking spots and shoved more than half the country there. Go a little further out and you'll find very affordable houses in some lovely parts of the world. Either head along the coast until you find a charming town within reasonable driving distance of your preferred city, or just head inland until you find a town that's giving the houses away.

Downside: global warming is about to make all of inland Australia uninhabitable, so enjoy the seven years max you'll be able to spend in your new digs.

4. Find a faded movie star and become her live-in valet-with-benefits

Sure you'll be expected to spend New Year's Eve locked inside the movie star's creepy dilapidated mansion, and you'll have to rewrite their unreadable comeback script about Salome, but hey, you get to live in a big house without ever spending down a cent.

Downside: ending up dead in a swimming pool within six months.

5. Become Prime Minister

The Prime Minister's residence is The Lodge, basically Australia's White House but without the name recognition, visual recognition, imposing sense of intimidating power, or Bradley Whitford walking very fast around its corridors. Sure, this means rising through the ranks of Federal Government to win over the support of your party's colleagues and the nation's citizens, but Tony Abbott managed it, so, really, how hard can it be?

Downside: Prohibitive costs of feeding Kevin Rudd, who still lives in the wall cavities.

Follow Lee on Twitter: @leezachariah