A Pessimist's Guide to Your New PM Theresa May

We didn't ask for her and we certainly didn't choose her. But for the time being, new Prime Minister Theresa May is here. In all her boring glory. Looking at the evidence, let's consider what having May as PM will do for the things that matter.

How do you get tough on drugs in 2015? You target legal highs, the ones that elude criminal classification in a market that shape-shifts quicker than Corbyn's shadow cabinet. Yes, May was at the helm of the Psychoactive Substances Bill, along with a Home Office pal called Lord Bates. Trouble is, they hadn't really thought their blanket ban through. Poppers came under this legislation, which pissed off gays and anyone else who likes to use them recreationally and safely. Embarrassingly, May and team then half-backtracked, considered possibly unbanning them, then realised they definitely should unban them, and made them exempt. And there were the desperate reassurances to religious communities worried that their incense in churches could be banned because it can get people into a trance-like state. Yep, May went in hard on an area which requires careful consideration and an open mind. Just like a leader should!

Perhaps it was all a misunderstanding and May isn't vehemently against drugs in any possible form? Well, she deleted sentences she didn't agree with from a former report on drugs to better align with her view, according to Nick Clegg. The former deputy PM told the Guardian that the Home Secretary "didn't like the conclusions" of a report released in 2014, which found no clear link between harsh drugs laws and illegal drug use. Basically, don't expect lenient drug law reform or anything close to legalisation under her watch.

If only May's views on drugs weren't a harbinger for our future nightlife. Surprise! She doesn't like alcohol any more than poppers. She's long campaigned on alcohol-related issues, introducing Early Morning Alcohol Restriction Laws and voiced opposition to 24-hour drinking laws. In March this year, in a bid to reduce alcohol-related crime, she vowed to push any pubs associated with problems out of business. She also announced plans to give councils more power to enforce late-night levies and to shut venues down. When it came to the finer print on this issue, in 2012 she put a ban on multi-buy promotions in shops and off-licences and a review of licensing conditions to ensure they're dealing with the issue of irresponsible promotions in clubs.

Much of the destruction of British nightlife over the past half decade can be linked directly to May, so it doesn't look positive for either pubs or clubs.

May is inheriting a bleak landscape for younger people in Britain. No chance of buying a home, few jobs, poor pay and the gap between rich and poor widening. All we want to know is: is she going to fix it?

Housing would be a firm: probably not. Throughout Cameron's tenure, May voted against restricting the ridiculous fees charged by letting agents to tenants as well as opposing landlord restrictions. The only saving grace could be that she's unlikely to want George Osborne around for much longer. In the speech given just hours before she was announced as PM, she trashed monetary policy that "has helped those on the property ladder at the expense of those who can't afford to own their own home". Though how much she really cares about housing for young people is yet to be seen.

She hasn't seemed too bothered about their standard of living before. She was not opposed to blocking increases in travel fares, a vital cost for many students and declined to pressure government in 2013 on a number of issues such as "real action" on jobs, affordable accommodation, rising energy and water bills and the cost of commuting. Hope remains in her denouncing tax dodging companies like Starbucks and Amazon, no? Considering her big bucks husband profits from tax dodging companies, don't hold your breath.

Students protesting against uni fees in London. (Photo by Adam Barnett)

It's easy to look at the rapid transformation of British education into something elitist and classist and want to blame a specific type of person for this. On this occasion, you can look upon May and understand it all. Not only did she vote to raise the cap on tuition fees in 2010 to the astronomical £9,000 a year from £3,000, but while May was Home Secretary, the government backtracked on a promise that the salary at which graduates would start repaying their loan would rise with inflation and the cost of living. Incidentally, May is a keen supporter of grammar schools.

But never did she cause more of a mess than with her treatment of international students. She wrongly deported up to 50,000 students, after a BBC Panorama documentary in 2014 claimed to have uncovered fraudulent activity at an east London school involving overseas students sitting an English language test. She's been rightly criticised for doing this based on info taken from a documentary, rather than doing a thorough investigation herself. Since we're leaving the EU and May's refusing to rule out deportation for those without a British passport anyway, she won't have to fret about international students for much longer!

She's a woman, right? That means deep down she cares about women's "stuff." Well, May might've used her leadership speech to declare, "If you're a woman, you still earn less than a man", but anyone can stand and weakly state a fact. When Home Sec, she did push for more action on domestic violence – a positive step – but was far less interested in the poor treatment of migrant women in Yarl's Wood. As for addressing that pay inequality: she opposed a minimum wage when she was first elected, so good luck getting a liveable salary for all working class women from this PM.

@hannahrosewens

More on Theresa May:

What Can We Learn About Theresa May From Her Time As Home Secretary?

Meet Theresa May

Which Tory Leadership Candidate Is the Best For Feminists?