When someone starts a story with, "So I took the wife out to dinner last night..." and then goes on to use a phrase like "I shit you not," you pretty much know who you're dealing with, right?
Let's just say one Facebook poster lives up to his diction. Their recent anonymous post, concerning how to induce the wait staff at restaurants to give good service, essentially using a carrot and stick approach, has gone viral, largely because everyone agrees what a dick the enigmatic author is.
The anonymous post suggests that to "receive the best service of your life" diners should simply do this: "put 5 singles out on the table at the beginning of the dinner for the waiter/waitress to see. (Don't say anything to them) if they mess up, you take a dollar away, and so on."
You get the idea.
The writer says this surefire technique was the culmination of something he and his wife have "talked about doing" for a long time. Talk about a bucket-list! Who in the hell needs to witness the splendor of the Taj Mahal when you can just passive-aggressively antagonize each and every unsuspecting waiter you encounter? The Machiavellian diner also says it resulted in a "great evening with my love"—sure, if your definition of an amorous night out is a game of bait and switch over your main course.
The posting is making the Internet rounds—and has even found its way onto a "cheap bastards of Reddit" thread. You know, right behind suggestions like this: "Leave urine/feces in the toilet for hours on end to reduce flushes/conserve money on water bills."
Great ideas all.
How irritating is this post to anyone with an appreciation for the hard work waiters do—or a modicum of class? Let us count the ways.
First, is this fellow taking his wife out to a $25 dinner? Because if he's spending anything more than that, the tip is pathetically paltry to begin with.
Second, as the blog The Bitchy Waiter points out, "So that means you get to sit through your whole dinner with a clipboard and a calculator in order to keep tabs on every move your server makes? Yeah, that sounds like a really great dinner for your wife."
Third, this isn't even a new or original idea. As Snopes reports, no fewer than two OG sitcoms, Cheers and 3rd Rock from the Sun, based episodes on the scenario. We're pleased to report that on Cheers, Carla responded as only a sane waitperson would: first she proposed that every time the customer took a dollar away, she would get to flick beer in his face. In the end, she dumped an entire drink on him.
Now that's a good idea—and a response that's worthy of a viral post.