Trust No One When It Comes to Restaurant Health Code Violations

Freeman's, a popular Manhattan restaurant, recently had to test their employees for a foodborne illness known as norovirus because a customer claimed she received the virus from their eatery. Of course, as we all know, the only way to test for this virus is from stool samples. So, yeah. A bunch of restaurant workers were forced to poop in a cup.

The norovirus is food-borne, and usually occurs when someone infected with it spreads their fecal matter all over foods that are then ingested by others. The virus has temporarily shut down Michelin-starred restaurants like the Fat Duck (Heston Blumenthal's legendary spot) and has also wreaked bowel havoc on cruise ships. It also can be present in raw foods, or food that's not properly cooked. It's super easy to get, and over 20 million people get infected every year. This basically means that everyone touches their poop, and you cannot trust anyone.

Abdominal pain and vomiting typically begin within 24 to 48 hours after being exposed to it. There's also a lot of diarrhea, light fever, chills, headaches, etc. Translation: Welcome to hell. Once infected, the virus stays in your stool for several weeks even though you only feel sick for approximately one to three days. Ergo, having to test feces to find out who is the perpetrator—I mean poopetrator. No wait, I take that back. I definitely meant perpetrator, and I am going to try very hard to refrain from more crappy puns. Damnit.

An employee of Freeman's told the New York Post, "They came and checked everything yesterday…They tested everyone… [They took] stool samples." The "they" spoken of is the New York Health Department, which took the case into their own hands, and hopefully washed those hands afterward. After the testing was done, Freeman's was in the clear of having the virus present. Basically, this woman did not get it from their restaurant and caused a shitstorm (pun intended, sorry) at Freeman's—the place where Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen frequently eat $15 macaroni and cheese at—for nothing.

Is subjecting employees to take a dump in a cup some sort of human rights violation? I mean, I would definitely feel violated if I had to do it. However, it seems as though this is the only way to test for the virus. Unless you want to give the whole trusting employees when they say they haven't been sick in the last month a try. Taking stool samples is rare, but is also an unfortunate protocol when it comes to the norovirus. If this becomes a regular thing workers in the food industry will have to be subjected to, then we'll have some serious problems in the future.

The details of the woman's illness are not disclosed, but I am guessing she thought she got this from Freeman's because it was the last restaurant she ate at. Don't be so quick to do this people. It's not just restaurants that can give you the norovirus. Though the virus is food-borne, it is also possible to get it from touching surfaces or being in direct contact with someone who has it, and then putting your fingers in your mouth. That means your friends, loved ones, and especially your enemies can very well be the culprit. The best way to prevent the norovirus from spreading is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, and wash those hands before touching food for safe measure. Also, trust no one.