Facebook Rolls Out A Few More Event Attendance Options

There's Attending and "Attending."

Jan 13 2016, 7:00pm

Image via Pixabay

Hi Facebook, Mark here. MZ. The Mighty Zucks. After the mega success of the "Interested" event attendance option, we here at FB HQ put our heads together to come up with a few more alternatives to those old standbys Attending, Maybe, and Not Attending. Some of the finest minds in America sat in a glass-walled room for hours thinking these up, and we hope you enjoy clicking on them just as much as we do. We think they're our greatest triumph since Pokes. So, without further ado, here are 2016's hot new event responses, and how to use them:

Scare quotes around the more traditional attending option really cut to the heart of the matter: Visually, you were obligated to click Attending, but you have little to no intention of going. Can be used for reasons of manners, geographical inconvenience but wishes of goodwill, or to intimidate someone you don't like who is probably going for real.

An option for the contrarians among us. For use when everyone on your feed is "Interested" in attending "Peace in 2016," an immersive outdoor art event, or a "reading series" of any kind.

Weather Depending
Inclement weather can turn your Attendings into Maybe's and your Maybe's into No's faster than you can say "El Niño." Know who your snow flakes are in advance.

Attending AND Interested
Sincerity is a hard thing to pull off online. Cut out the guesswork by declaring your unequivocal desire to attend and your heartfelt, IRL interest in the activity proposed. (NB: You have about 12 hours before this option starts being used ironically. Hurry up!)

Attending and Interested In Sex With The Host
When you're only attending because you want to bone down. Scope your competition and get a head start on the night's flirtations with this fun, forward option.

You Have Misunderstood Our Relationship As Well As Me As A Person
Did your coworker invite you to a small get together at their place? Your girlfriend's aunt want you to come see her sports team play an all-day tournament in the suburbs? Anyone at all in the world invite you to a poetry slam? Click here.

Tell Me What Kind of Food There'll Be First
This one was implemented after over 700 emails from Toronto-based user Monica Heisey. Hope you're happy, you hungry lunatic.

Probably Going to Text-Cancel On The Day
More upfront than flaking at the last minute, and equally non-committal. Plus, you're not making someone feel like a dud right before they have to host a social event. It's the kindest way.

Waiting It Out To See Who Else Is Coming
It's a woman's prerogative to see if any cuties, hotties, honeys, or babes are attending an event before making up her mind. This option also allows users to avoid run-ins with ex-partners, current employers, boring friends from high school, and the tacky.

This Is My Fourteenth Unanswered Invitation To Your Improv Team's Longform Night, Pete, Take A Hint
To be honest we're thinking of banning improv-related invites altogether.