Every 2016 College Football Preseason Top 25 Ranking You'll See

It's August, which means that it's time to take a look at which teams will be in college football's top 25 this season.

I am a college football "expert," in that I follow the sport more closely than any normal human being should, and I get paid to do so. As such, I am supposed to give you a semi-accurate list of teams that will be good at football this season. But here's the thing: I have no idea. Just like my brother, who is a Syracuse fan, can win his NCAA men's basketball tournament bracket pool by inexplicably picking the Orange to go to the Final Four, your hunch that your favorite school could have a miraculously good season in football could be correct. I don't know. Iowa went 12-0 last year; anything is possible.

Here's the thing: preseason rankings are pointless. They're also a lot of fun, because what else is better than arguing about football for a month? Rather than give you my informed, yet still inaccurate list of the top 25 teams in college football, I will summarize all the other top 25 lists that you will see on the internet this month, from people who know just as little about the future as I do.

Without further ado, here's the first-ever VICE Sports Most Typical College Football Preseason Top 25. You'll never need to read another list. Thank me later.

1. Alabama Crimson Tide

This is the one ranking you can count on probably being right. Alabama might not win the National Championship again—last year was the Tide's first title since 2011—but Nick Saban's team will absolutely make the College Football Playoff. That's just how college football works.

2. Oklahoma Sooners

Oh, you thought we were just going to make last year's national champion and runner-up No. 1 and No. 2? Silly reader, you don't know how edgy and informed this poll is. We, as experts, know something you don't.

3. Clemson Tigers

Last year's runner-up.

4. Florida State Seminoles

Probably better than Clemson this year, but Clemson won last year and we respect results.

5. Michigan Wolverines

Harbaugh, returning starters, best Big Ten team.

They have Christian McCaffrey, a massive offensive line, and probably some goofy tall kid at quarterback. Good enough for a very solid 10-2 finish.

7. Ohio State Buckeyes

Probably pretty good again.

8–10. LSU, Ole Miss, Tennessee

Search-engine optimization: "Four SEC teams in preseason top ten, twice as many as any other conference."

Result:

11. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

They have an awesome offense and lots of players back from injury. They're probably a top-ten team. But Notre Dame is always overrated. I'm not getting caught in that trap.

12. Michigan State Spartans

See: Buckeyes, Ohio State.

13. USC Trojans

I mean, eventually they've gotta be great again, right? No better time than the present.

14. Georgia Bulldogs

There's a rule that you can't rank Georgia below No. 14 in the preseason rankings. Otherwise, how will they ultimately disappoint you? Plus, their new coach is from Alabama, which is worth a few spots.

15. Iowa Hawkeyes

They might not be that great this year, but if we rank them too low, Hawkeye Internet will devour us.

16. Washington Huskies

Are you a casual follower of college football who is used to seeing Washington go 7-5? Are you surprised to see the Huskies here? This is why we're experts, you see. Washington is a dark horse.

17. Houston Cougars

Another surprise! Casual followers wouldn't dare put a non-power team in the top 20. But we know our football! Houston is for real!

18. North Carolina Tar Heels

Better than Houston, but this makes us look edgier. Also, North Carolina always underachieves (except last year, but details).

19. TCU Horned Frogs

This is where things get really jumbled, and you have no idea who to rank where anymore. So you peek at the Coaches Poll to see which schools they have ranked higher than you do. You have to shuffle the rankings a bit so you look original, but you can't keep those teams out.

Then you see you forgot about TCU, which is No. 13 in the Coaches Poll.

"Man, way too high. They're good but not that good."

20. UCLA Bruins

See: Trojans, USC.

21. Baylor Bears

They have good players, but they also have a new coach and had a massive scandal. Hmm, maybe No. 21 will keep Baylor fans satisfied, and also be discreet enough that other fans don't notice.

22. Boise State Broncos

Two non-power teams in the top 25! TWO! That's how much football we watch. Bet you don't even know their starting quarterback. (We don't either, but we know they'll hang around enough to make this look plausible.)

23. Oregon Ducks

Oregon it is!

24. Louisville Cardinals

Shit, it's been awhile since we ranked an ACC team. And their quarterback sure did light up the bowl game last year.

25. Florida Gators

Florida has a bad offense, but there's no better bet to go 8–4. Also: "SEC gets whopping six teams into [media outlet's] preseason top 25."

Nailed it.

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