If only Orlando Bloom hadn't missed, he would be a hero. Taking a swing at the world's favorite popstar we love to hate, Justin Bieber, is less of an assault and more of an act of valor.Endearing himself to nobody, Bieber has supposedly immersed himself in deep house sounds lately, leading him to make a bid for some cred on the hallowed ground of The White Isle, Ibiza. Running around like an entitled cunt might be cool in some parts of the world, but not there (unless you are actually entitled). So we're surprised Bloom was the first to take a swing. Here's a quick rundown of who else could have (or should have) thrown a fist at the Biebs.
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Paris Hilton
Paris actually has her own party on the island now and doesn't need another celeb encroaching on her turf. Somebody hold her weave, it's about to pop off.Ricardo Urgell
The 75 year-old Ibiza-icon, Pacha founder, and Ralph Lauren look-alike will defend his sacred ground to the death, especially from roid-ragey popstars with balls punier than two Pacha cherries.Carl Cox
Carl Cox? The techno-loving teddy bear? Coxy keeps the vibes correct, but he could also cut a bitch with a sharp piece of vinyl or a brand new Pioneer CDJ-2000 Nexus.Loco Dice
Bieber is probably not cool enough to find himself at DC-10, but if he did, he better watch out for Loco, because he'll pop his head faster than he drops a bassline at 6am.Lionel Messi
What's one thing that can compound the misery of a World Cup loss? Bieber. Perhaps Messi would use that famous left foot to kick Bieber straight into the Balearic Sea.Anyone and Everyone at Café del Mar
The undisputed birthplace of chillout music, del Mar is where Ibiza gets chill. JBiebs is so not chill. If would be a soft punch, for sure, but he'd get it nonetheless.Richie Hawtin
Canadian on Canadian crime is rare but real. Hawtin has been known to go a little aggro from time to time so there's not much even a mountie could do to stop the beating Biebs would get from this techno demigod.A Luciano/Hawtin Tag Team Cage Match
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The 75 year-old Ibiza-icon, Pacha founder, and Ralph Lauren look-alike will defend his sacred ground to the death, especially from roid-ragey popstars with balls punier than two Pacha cherries.Carl Cox
Carl Cox? The techno-loving teddy bear? Coxy keeps the vibes correct, but he could also cut a bitch with a sharp piece of vinyl or a brand new Pioneer CDJ-2000 Nexus.Loco Dice
What's one thing that can compound the misery of a World Cup loss? Bieber. Perhaps Messi would use that famous left foot to kick Bieber straight into the Balearic Sea.Anyone and Everyone at Café del Mar
Canadian on Canadian crime is rare but real. Hawtin has been known to go a little aggro from time to time so there's not much even a mountie could do to stop the beating Biebs would get from this techno demigod.A Luciano/Hawtin Tag Team Cage Match
