Have you ever learned a certain something about somebody that you desperately wish you could unlearn? Something so mind-numbing yet unforgettable that you wish you could bend Heaven and Earth just to find some sort of magical brush with which you could scrub your mind clean?
Looks like we all might need said mythical brush thanks to a list of "25 interesting facts" that presidential hopeful Ted Cruz revealed about himself yesterday to Us Weekly. Turns out the Texas senator has what many would consider to be volatile ideas regarding food: Not only has he previously voiced his opposition to providing troops with gluten-free meals, he actually thinks that giving schoolchildren french fries is an election issue important enough to harp on.
That being said, some of yesterday's revelations will make you rethink everything you knew about Ted Cruz—and possibly humans in general. So, just how bad are we talking? Is the junior senator absolutely apeshit for jelly beans and ketchup à la Reagan?
Maybe not, but Cruz did drop the following bombshells: Not only does he attribute cheese to being his all-time favorite food—a valid, if underwhelming choice—he has absolutely no love for avocados. In fact, despite being of Cuban heritage and growing up in Texas, Cruz say, "I hate avocados."
He also revealed to the world; "As a kid, I used to go bullfrogging on the lake behind our house." But shucks fellers, that ol' doozy of a yarn is a tale for another time—and for those who appreciate an upbringing that mirrors a Norman Rockwell painting.
Additionally, Cruz seems to find the following amusing: "[My wife's] family is all vegetarians. They were horrified when I told them the Cuban tradition on Christmas Eve is to roast a whole pig." Isn't it always charming when you can find humor in your family's beliefs?
Far and away, the weirdest revelation to Cruz's eating habits has to be the following: "When I'm away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry." That's right, folks. Despite spending lots of time in a city with an extremely vibrant and burgeoning food scene, Cruz would much rather spend his nights cozied up with a nice can of condensed soup than paint the town's restaurants red. Maybe he even whips out some cans of vegan chili if his in-laws pop in?
There you have it, party people. Those were the very odd things that presidential hopeful Ted Cruz bared to the judgmental world for all to see. Maybe this inconceivable situation is a lot like Cruz's favorite movie, The Princess Bride. About that movie, he says, "I can quote every line."
After all, it seems like only a matter of time before he utters the following phrase: "My name is Ted Cruz! You ate my soup! Prepare to die!"