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Jamie Vardy’s Post-Party Comedown: Reviewing Leicester vs. Southampton

If last season was one long party for Jamie Vardy, the new campaign is starting to resemble a particularly brutal comedown, with at least one guy K-holing on the sofa.
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If Jamie Vardy was, in a metaphorical sense, having a party last season, it was a once-in-a-lifetime bash. Depending on your preferred form of party, it was either one of those high-budget events that resembles the sort of idealised hoedown you might see in a Coca-Cola advert – attractive, 'on-trend' twentysomethings jumping in slow motion to David Guetta, because 48-year-old David Guetta is for some reason playing to a room of 'on-trend' twentysomethings, Coca-Cola paying his massive private fee, we assume – or a hellhole warehouse rave with lashings of ketamine and everyone having a fucking great time.

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We all know what comes after a massive, fuck-off party, however. If Leicester's romp to the title last season was the perfect collective catharsis, the rave to end all raves, this season looks to be the messy aftermath, the terrible, slow-burning comedown that leaves a trail of physical and psychological devastation in its wake. Having eked out a goalless draw with Southampton at the weekend, the champions are now 12th in the table, sandwiched between Watford and Bournemouth with a mere eight points from seven games. That is the footballing equivalent of being pale and bleary-eyed on the nightbus home, stuck between two sleeping mates, one of whom keeps lolling drunkenly onto your shoulder and the other of whom is emitting those little burping sounds he makes before he regurgitates the pre-bus Chicken Cottage all over the place.

Jamie Vardy's party has come to a natural end at this point, and it was inevitable that some adverse symptoms would follow. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction; for every moment of joyous abandon, there is a deep and brooding hangover to match. No party can go on forever, and at some point everyone has to vacate the premises and get the bus home to their inadvisable post-drinks. Jamie Vardy has been left to tidy up the mess, shovelling crunched-up Tyskie cans into a black bin liner, lurching between the living room and the kitchen, occasionally stepping over a passed-out Christian Fuchs. Meanwhile, for Leicester fans, the comedown is starting to kick in. They are feeling a bit fragile, a bit tired and emotionally vulnerable. They just need to get home safely at this point, then mellow out in front of early morning reruns of Can't Pay, We'll Take It Away!

With some tough games coming up after the international break – Leicester play Chelsea, Tottenham and Crystal Palace in their next three league matches, as well as a Champions League double header against FC Copenhagen – the comedown is bound to get worse before it gets better. There'll be the odd bout of nausea, some serious anxiety, and the metaphorical equivalent of one guy K-holing hard on the communal sofa.

Once that's over with, however, the Foxes will hopefully mount a gradual recovery. After all, with their European campaign starting so brightly, Jamie Vardy could be hosting another unbelievable party before long.

DISCLAIMER: Jamie Vardy's party is, in this case, entirely metaphorical. There is categorically no suggestion that Jamie Vardy, or anyone he knows, has ever done ketamine. In reality, he prefers to get his kicks from a combination of energy drinks, nicotine patches and fortified wine. It's much healthier, probably.